Arab/Muslim Men. How to know if they really love you.

You're probably reading this because you have at one time or another been in or sought out a relationship with an Arab or Muslim man outside your own country.  As so many women in the United States and Europe are converting to Islam, they are also seeking good Muslim husbands.  So many of us women know, either through stories or personal experience, this task is easier said than done.

            

I remember the days when my Facebook inbox was full of male requests for ‘friendship’; I remember when I was 'engaged' to my first Muslim fiance. I remember the feeling of skepticism.  My family and friends saying he was just using me, reading the horror stories online.  How does a Muslimah know who is using her and who is true?

Well, alhamdulillah, God says we should think.  And that is just what we are going to do.  Here is a short and simple RED FLAG list for women looking to enter into relationships with Muslim men they don't personally know. 

HOW TO KNOW IF A BROTHER IS USING YOU OR NOT

1.     USE YOUR BRAINS AND YOUR HEART.  You don't want to listen too much to what others say, but you don't want love to blind you either.  Keep your eyes open for signs.  

2.     UNDERSTAND HOW MUSLIMS IN ARAB COUNTRIES COURT. So many Muslim converts believe Muslims do not court before marriage. This just isn't true.  There is a big difference between courting and dating.  Muslim men and women around the world meet at work, on the bus, in college, at the mall...  They just make their knowing each other public.  No sneaking off, no alone time, you get the drift.  Don't think that you have to rush into marriage. Take your time to get to know each other before getting serious.  

3.     START YOUR OWN PI BUSINESS.  You really need to look into this guy.  Talk to his friends, family, and other people on his facebook page.  If he isn't hiding anything he won't mind. If he gets upset, RED FLAG. 

4.     DOES HE HAVE A LOT OF WOMEN FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK? MULTIPLE PAGES FOR HIMSELF USING FAKE INFORMATION AND NAMES? My ex had 3 different facebook pages.  Ibraheem something, Ezil Ibrahim, and Tamer Haboub.  The one Ibraheem something was full of women, Ezil was for family, and he ditched Tamer after some girl started saying she loved him. I actually asked my friends to friend him and pretend they didn't know we were together and see what he said.  It wasn't good.  

5.     DOES HE WORK?  Ok this sounds silly but if he doesn't work don't take his excuse.  Even men in Gaza find work.  Arab men are built on the pride of working very very hard.  Find out where they work, what they do, previous employment.

6.     DOES HE ASK YOU FOR $$.  My ex tried this with me at first, too.  He wanted 1000.00 shekels to buy a new laptop so he could 'talk to me more'.  He never got it, it didn't hurt us, but I was really bothered that he asks.  NO REAL ARAB MAN WILL ASK FOR $, THEY HAVE MORE PRIDE THAN THAT.

7.     ASK HIM TO ASK YOUR PARENTS FOR PERMISSION TO MARRY YOU.  ASK HIM TO SPEAK TO HIS PARENTS. This is a big one.  I did talk to my ex's mother and father.  Many times.  

8.     DO NOT LET HIM SEE YOU NAKED MORE THAN ONCE.  Yes, he can see you fully naked, only once, to decide whether he wants to marry you. From Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’” According to another report he said, ‘a young woman of Bani Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.” (Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1832, 1834)

1.     That does not mean he can masturbate or ask you to do the same.  These things are haram and be aware of a man who asks you to commit adultery before marriage because if he is willing to do it with you now, what is stopping him from sinning against God again in the future with someone else?

9.     PROPOSE LIVING IN HIS COUNTRY.  This is great if you have no problem living there. And you can always change your mind.  Most good men don't want to leave their families and would be happy to stay.  If the repeatedly object, RED FLAG ALERT!

10. PRAY ABOUT IT AND TRUST IN GOD. Everything happens for a reason.  While it may be hard to learn that someone you love may not really love you in return, God is always controlling our lives and who we know and why.  Trust in Him.

11. DO NOT MARRY HIM THE DAY YOU MEET HIM. Visit him in his country, more than once. In Muslim countries, engagements can last several years.  Again, take your time to get to know him and his family.  

12. ASK HIM TO PAY YOUR FARE TO TRAVEL WHEN YOU DO GET MARRIED.  Most Muslim countries (especially Egypt) require a man to meet certain family requirements to marry a woman, if he isn't willing to pay for you to come marry him, seriously consider his worth.