Sunday, July 26, 2015

Do we really have to wear hijab and what is acceptable as hijab?

In Islam, wearing hijab is an obligation for women.  I have heard a lot of women say that they don't have to wear it, that it's their choice.  Sinning is a choice.  Whatever the excuse, you will not find a single Islamic Scholar who will tell you that hijab is not obligated for Muslim women.  This requirement is written in both Qur'an and Hadith.

Hijab is obligated for many reasons.  It protects Muslim women from unwanted, and forbidden gazes of men (and in some cases women).  Hijab protects a woman from placing her beauty above her intellect.  It gives her humility and modesty.  Hijab is also a sign of Ummah, or oneness with the whole community of Islam.

When I first started wearing Hijab I felt empowered.  I felt that I was no longer subjected to what society (at the time, American Society) expected me to be, but what God (I am using God instead of Allah because I am speaking in English and using English terms) expected me to be.   I was no longer a slave to male expectations of a woman. I was able to be judged for what is inside me.  Or so I thought.

I don't think I understood fully the true meaning of hijab when I first started wearing it.  Like so many other Muslim reverts, I searched the internet for ways to wear hijab.  Somehow I found myself caught up in the world of Hijabistas (Hijab fashionistas), trying to find the latest fashions.  Did this scarf look cute with that outfit, did it match my make-up, how to add this pin to make it even cuter...

I still wore relatively modest attire, or at least I thought I did.  Why would all these women teach me something that was not Islamic?   But after a while something started to bother me.  All these women, Hijabistas were selling us the idea that this was what hijab was.   Fashion.  It was necessary to be 'cute' and conform to today's 'fashion' while still being modest.  WHAT!!!

So we are wearing hijab for whom then?  The rest of the world? Are we that much of slaves to what 'Western' non-Muslim culture labels as 'fashion' that we need to try and replicate it with hijab?   Is this what God meant by modesty and hijab?

I started feeling ashamed to go out in such attire.  I am not a slave to anyone's opinion.  I do not need my clothing to validate my worth.  I do not need someone else's opinion to boost my self-esteem.  I do need to be comfortable that I am making the best effort to please God.

I started wearing a plain black abaya and khimar, or ocassionally black hijab.  An abaya is a loose outer garment.  I wear one I purchased from Sunnah Style specifically because they do not embellish with beads, embroidery, and are not tight fitting.

Khimar is a loose style of hijab that is pulled over the head. It covers the shoulders, chest, and is easy to wear.  In Qur'an, the ONLY style of hijab mentioned was that of khimar. (Surat Al-Nur 24:31)  You have to read it in Arabic to get the correct translation.  It says: 

وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا ۖ وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ

If we look at the word بِخُمُرِهِنَّ it would state in colloquial Arabic the word: bi-khimar-hun. The root word is khimar.  The only type of hijab mentioned to wear in Qur'an is khimar. It also states in this verse how we should wear it.  This verse also uses the term جُيُوبِهِنَّ which translates to bosoms or pockets.  It means pockets because the pockets of an abaya were just below the chest.  So this verse tells a woman to wear khimar at a length were it fully covers her breasts.  



So as a new Muslim I was lied to, or at least misguided.  While I understand the good intentions in trying to ease a Muslim convert into wearing hijab by making them fashionable, IT IS NOT HIJAB we are teaching them.  We need to teach women correctly.  At least then it is their choice if they want to wear hijab correctly or not.  

So to recap:
Not Hijab as described in Qur'an
  Does not cover chest.
Also note her arms are not fully covered.
Not Hijab as described in Qur'an
Does not cover the chest, neck or ears.
Is for fashion, not for God.

Not Hijab as described in Qur'an
Does not cover the chest
Another example of fashion pleasing people.
While this one does cover more of her body
the point of it is still fashion.  Note the folds and jewelry.
Why continue to please people who will not be there for you on judgement day?


Much more accurate if wearing a scarf.
  Length is appropriate.
There is some fashion but it is more representing toward the real meaning of Hijab.





THIS IS KHIMAR, HIJAB AS DESCRIBED IN THE HOLY QUR'AN.
THIS IS THE BEST AND ONLY METHOD OF COVERING DESCRIBED IN QUR'AN 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

The Many Benefits of Home Schooling for Children

The Many Benefits of Home Schooling for Children
“A child’s education has always been seen by parents, and perhaps by society as a
whole, as the purview of the child’s parents,” (Hiatt-Michael 1994).   When thinking about education in America today school houses, recess, and school busses often come to one’s mind.  In America today, roughly 83% of children attend public schools for their education (Davis and Bauman 2013). While the next most popular choice in children’s education is private school, more and more parents are taking control of their children’s education by home schooling.  Why are so many parents deciding to home school their children?  The answer is clear for many parents.  There are many benefits of home schooling that outweigh the benefits of traditional education for children.

            For many parents, the choice to home school their children are made in hopes to improve their child’s academic achievements.  Many parents feel that they can provide a better education for their children than the standardized public education system (Saghir 2008).

        Public schools typically suffer from relatively large classroom sizes, 15 or more students per teacher.  Larger class sizes result in less individual attention for each student and more time spent disciplining children than actually instructing children (O'Neill and Mercier 2003).  Larger class sizes also affect the length of a school day. According to Saghir, home schooled children also need less hours a day of instruction (Saghir 2008).  A majority of instruction time in public school is often wasted waiting for a teacher to answer individual questions, standing in line, listening to another student, getting children back on task, and other small tasks such as roll call, recess, and bathroom breaks (Horsburgh 2005).  For children who are home schooled, instruction can include more individualized attention, shorter days, and lessons that extend much further than the classroom.

       For many children who are home schooled they also have to opportunity to learn valuable life skills not taught in public instruction. While there is a lot of strategically placed fact based curriculum, many skills such as using surviving without technology and credit are not taught in most public schools (Saghir 2008).

       Many parents have been looking to the past to teach their children skills not offered anymore in public schools (Saghir 2008).  With more and more technology being used in public schools to save time and money, children in many schools are not even reading physical books anymore (Johnson 2014).  According to Johnson, students use computers and tablets more and more for research many not even teaching how to conduct research in a library (2014). Children who are home schooled can learn using traditional methods.  They can also study other traditional skills such as cooking, sewing, crochet, healthcare, household management, and how to manage personal finances.   Some people may be concerned that learning these extra skills may take away from a child’s academic learning but what do the academic scores say about the success of home schooled children?

       Skeptics are concerned that children who are home schooled will suffer academically.  One of the reasons so many parents are choosing to home school their children is because recent studies suggest that home schooled students score much higher in academic testing than children who attend public schools (Horsburgh 2005).  “In study after study, the homeschooled have scored, on average, at the 65th to 80th percentile on standardized academic achievement tests in the US and Canada, compared to the public school average of the 50th percentile” (Ray 2007).  In another study conducted at the University of Maryland, out of more than 20,000 home schooled students the average academic achievement test scores were in the 70th to 80th percentile (Saghir 2008). 

       Many parents of another type of child are equally concerned about the academic quality of their children’s education.  Special needs children make up 47% of all children who are home schooled (Johnson and Knuth 2010).  According to Johnson and Knuth special needs children are considered both children with learning impairments and children who are gifted and talented (2010). Both of these groups of children learn at a pace much different from children in their age group.  Home school education gives parents the ability to closely monitor their child’s progress, move their child along at their own pace, and handle any special behavioural issues that public school staff might not be trained to deal with (Johnson and Knuth 2010).

       While the academic benefits of time management, life skills, academic quality, and dealing with special needs students seem very clear, many parents have more than one reason for choosing to home school their children.  Because of religious diversity, public schools have tried to distance themselves from religion in an attempt not to offend any students or parents.  Some ideas and values taught in public schools even go against some religious values.  For these reasons and others, some parents choose to home school their children for religious reasons.

       For many religious parents, home schooling is a way to incorporate their beliefs into their children’s education.  Unlike children in public schools, home schooled children can pray and participate in religious activities without worrying about ridicule from other students or teachers.  “Homeschooling parents can easily and actively preserve ideologies, values and practices by which to live,” (Saghir 2008).  Saghir also states that religious beliefs deter children from participating in negative activities such as drugs, sex, and criminal activities (2008).

       Families who also practice certain religions may also face discrimination and extra hardships while their children attend public schools.  The number of home schooling families with the Muslim, Buddhist, and Hindu faith are dramatically on the rise (Saghir 2008).  For Muslim children, it is especially hard due to discrimination and schools illegally refusing to let the children pray and dress according to their religion (Ray 2007).  Other religions experience similar problems. 

       Many families are not strangers to discrimination whether it is because of social class, race, or religion.  Society today is not easy on children.  Many parents see their children coming into contact with activities such as drugs and alcohol, their children becoming the victims of bullying, and their children being influenced negatively by other students. Because of the growing social issues of today, many parents are choosing to home school their children.

       Bullying is a real issue in many public and private schools across America.  Children are bullied for anything from their accent, the way they dress, their social class, their religion, or just because they’re new in school (Johnson and Knuth 2010).  Bullying can scar a child for life, and in some instances even lead to depression and suicide.  When parents choose to home school their children, there is no real pressure for these children to ‘fit in’.   There is no added peer pressure for children to conform to what a group feels is popular (Saghir 2008, 47).  Children can be themselves and develop talents they enjoy without the fear of retaliation by their peers.  Saghir says, “Studies have shown that homeschoolers have a more positive self-concept than their peers in schools” (2008, 48)

        For some parents, home schooling means keeping their children away from negative influences.  Parents often worry about their children’s’ exposure to sex, drugs, and criminal activity.  Much of the bad behaviour a child learns, it learns from other children in school (Horsburgh 2005).   A parent cannot choose who their child interacts with in public schools, who is in the child’s class, and so on.  

       Many parents believe that home schooling gives them the opportunity to guide their children towards more positive influences, monitor their social influences better, and choose to teach their children about sex when they feel the time is right (Johnson and Knuth 2010).  According to recent studies, home schooled children are 79% less likely to suffer from drug addiction, teen pregnancy, and juvenile delinquency (Saghir 2008).   These numbers are a great motivation to parents.

       The number of home schooled children is rapidly growing.  Academics, religion, and social reasons are just some of the reasons parents choose to homes school their children.  According to research, it is clear that there are many benefits to home schooling children over enrolling them in public and private schools.  With the growing number of economic, political, and social issues the number of home schooled children will most likely continue to climb well into the future.

References


Davis, Jessica, and Kurt Bauman. School Enrollment in the United States:2011. U.S. Census Bureau, 2013.
Hiatt-Michael, D. "Parent Involvement in American Public Schools: An Historical Perspective 1642-1994." School Community Journal 4 (1994): 247-258.
Horsburgh, Fergus B.N. "Homeschooling Within the Public School System." Ottawa: Simon Fraiser University, 2005.
Johnson, Ben. "Too Much Technology and Not Enough Learning?" Edutopia. March 14, 2014. http://www.edutopia.org/blog/too-much-tech-not-enough-learning-ben-johnson (accessed June 9, 2015).
Johnson, Sarah Anne, and Jessica Diane Knuth. "A Descriptive Analysis of Homeschooling Children with Autism." Sacramento: California State University, 2010.
O'Neill, Jan, and Deborah Mercier. "Incredible shrinking class size." Journal of Staff Development 24, no. 3 (2003): 18-22.
Ray, B. "The Evidence is so Positive, What Current Research Tells us About Homeschooling." Christianbook.com. 2007. http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=1812612&sp= (accessed July 4, 2015).
Saghir, Aneela. "An Introduction to Homeschooling for Muslim Parents." Sacramento: California State University, 2008.


Sunday, July 12, 2015

Arab/Muslim Men. How to know if they really love you.

You're probably reading this because you have at one time or another been in or sought out a relationship with an Arab or Muslim man outside your own country.  As so many women in the United States and Europe are converting to Islam, they are also seeking good Muslim husbands.  So many of us women know, either through stories or personal experience, this task is easier said than done.
            



I remember the days when my Facebook inbox was full of male requests for ‘friendship’; I remember when I was 'engaged' to my first Muslim fiance. I remember the feeling of skepticism.  My family and friends saying he was just using me, reading the horror stories online.  How does a Muslimah know who is using her and who is true?

Well, alhamdulillah, God says we should think.  And that is just what we are going to do.  Here is a short and simple RED FLAG list for women looking to enter into relationships with Muslim men they don't personally know. 

HOW TO KNOW IF A BROTHER IS USING YOU OR NOT

1.     USE YOUR BRAINS AND YOUR HEART.  You don't want to listen too much to what others say, but you don't want love to blind you either.  Keep your eyes open for signs.  
2.     UNDERSTAND HOW MUSLIMS IN ARAB COUNTRIES COURT. So many Muslim converts believe Muslims do not court before marriage. This just isn't true.  There is a big difference between courting and dating.  Muslim men and women around the world meet at work, on the bus, in college, at the mall...  They just make their knowing each other public.  No sneaking off, no alone time, you get the drift.  Don't think that you have to rush into marriage. Take your time to get to know each other before getting serious.  
3.     START YOUR OWN PI BUSINESS.  You really need to look into this guy.  Talk to his friends, family, and other people on his facebook page.  If he isn't hiding anything he won't mind. If he gets upset, RED FLAG
4.     DOES HE HAVE A LOT OF WOMEN FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK? MULTIPLE PAGES FOR HIMSELF USING FAKE INFORMATION AND NAMES? My ex had 3 different facebook pages.  Ibraheem something, Ezil Ibrahim, and Tamer Haboub.  The one Ibraheem something was full of women, Ezil was for family, and he ditched Tamer after some girl started saying she loved him. I actually asked my friends to friend him and pretend they didn't know we were together and see what he said.  It wasn't good.  
5.     DOES HE WORK?  Ok this sounds silly but if he doesn't work don't take his excuse.  Even men in Gaza find work.  Arab men are built on the pride of working very very hard.  Find out where they work, what they do, previous employment.
6.     DOES HE ASK YOU FOR $$.  My ex tried this with me at first, too.  He wanted 1000.00 shekels to buy a new laptop so he could 'talk to me more'.  He never got it, it didn't hurt us, but I was really bothered that he asks.  NO REAL ARAB MAN WILL ASK FOR $, THEY HAVE MORE PRIDE THAN THAT.
7.     ASK HIM TO ASK YOUR PARENTS FOR PERMISSION TO MARRY YOU.  ASK HIM TO SPEAK TO HIS PARENTS. This is a big one.  I did talk to my ex's mother and father.  Many times.  
8.     DO NOT LET HIM SEE YOU NAKED MORE THAN ONCE.  Yes, he can see you fully naked, only once, to decide whether he wants to marry you. From Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’” According to another report he said, ‘a young woman of Bani Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.” (Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1832, 1834)
1.     That does not mean he can masturbate or ask you to do the same.  These things are haram and be aware of a man who asks you to commit adultery before marriage because if he is willing to do it with you now, what is stopping him from sinning against God again in the future with someone else?
9.     PROPOSE LIVING IN HIS COUNTRY.  This is great if you have no problem living there. And you can always change your mind.  Most good men don't want to leave their families and would be happy to stay.  If the repeatedly object, RED FLAG ALERT!
10. PRAY ABOUT IT AND TRUST IN GOD. Everything happens for a reason.  While it may be hard to learn that someone you love may not really love you in return, God is always controlling our lives and who we know and why.  Trust in Him.
11. DO NOT MARRY HIM THE DAY YOU MEET HIM. Visit him in his country, more than once. In Muslim countries, engagements can last several years.  Again, take your time to get to know him and his family.  
12. ASK HIM TO PAY YOUR FARE TO TRAVEL WHEN YOU DO GET MARRIED.  Most Muslim countries (especially Egypt) require a man to meet certain family requirements to marry a woman, if he isn't willing to pay for you to come marry him, seriously consider his worth. 


Saturday, July 11, 2015

Real reasons why some Egyptian men are marrying foreign women.

Most of you know I have lived in Egypt for over a year now.  This has given me a lot of insight on Egyptian culture.

So many people think Egyptian men only marry foreign women for money and visas to their countries. While in some cases this may be true, most of the women I have seen saying this have had a bad end to their marriages for various reasons.

Some reasons were due to culture clashes (seriously girls, do your research before marrying out of your own culture and don't expect them to change), adultery (if you start a relationship with adultery also don't expect that to change), but most of the reasons I have seen is because she left him when he couldn't come to her country because SHE didn't want to live in Egypt.

Now, there are reasons so many Egyptian men marry foreign women, and I won't deny that some of them do marry for money and visas.  No, I do not think this is right, it is very very wrong, but this simply doesn't speak for the majority.

After seeing married couples, attending weddings, and listening to my husband tell experiences from his friends who married EGYPTIAN girls, I have gone out and done my own research on the subject.  Here is what I found.

Egyptians have a lot of cultural restrictions to marriage that are NOT Islamic.  They are purely cultural.  When a man wants to marry an Egyptian girl, there are many things he must do to prove he is worthy and satisfy the girl's family before he can get their blessings.

First, he must have a GOOD job.  Good jobs in Egypt are hard to find, even if a man graduated college.  Even to work as a cashier at a grocery store they want a bachelor's degree.  Most factories, even for individuals in places of authority, only pay 1,200.00 EGP per month salary.  That is NOT enough to even feed a family on.  So that man has to work two or more full time jobs to fulfill his duty.  If you consider bills, a 'allowance' for his wife (and most Egyptian girls want a hefty 'allowance' even if the man can't afford one), food, gas for his car or taxi fees, emergency expenses... The average Egyptian man can't do that.

Secondly, he must buy a flat.  Depending upon the city and the requirements of the family, he may have to pay over 450,000.00 EGY but no less than 250,000.000 EGP.  Now remember the salary?  How many years do you think it will take to save that kind of $$?!

Thirdly, he must furnish that flat with very fashionable NEW furniture.  When we furnished our flat, it cost 4,000.00 EGP just for a new small stove and small refrigerator.  If you count our used furniture it was another 10,000.00 EGP (not including what was borrowed from family)-and our flat is relatively empty.  It generally costs somewhere between 50,000.00 EGP and 100,000.00 EGP to furnish a flat.

Fourth, the wedding must be fancy.  No expense spared.  That's another 50,000.00 EGP plus.

So, an Egyptian man has many opportunities to meet foreign women now days.  Whether it be online, through friends, while traveling themselves, or while the woman is visiting Egypt to name a few.  They become friends.  The man really likes the woman and she really likes him.  She would make a good wife.

Most foreign women's families do NOT have as strict of marriage requirements as Egyptian families. Most of them let their daughters choose who they want to marry.  None of the above things are of that much importance.  As long as he can provide for her.  For older women, in their late twenties and older, there is usually no need to ask family. They are free to marry who they want, no longer being girls.

Most Egyptian men, from what I have seen, actually would prefer to stay in Egypt. I mean really, with all the discrimination and unknowns, how wonderful is it for them anyway?!  Many of them leave their homes for the women, so they don't have to be away from their families and suffer from culture shock.  If the women were willing to live in Egypt, many of them would not leave, very happily.  He would have to work two jobs his entire life, but that is what they are raised to do, and honestly, most Egyptian men have an emotional need to do so.

Marrying a foreign woman is so much easier.  And in many cases, these men truly love their wives. They weren't used, they weren't cheated.  They were just easier to marry in a world that is so hard to live in already.  I know it can sound bad to some, like these foreign women are second best, but many Egyptian men DON'T WANT TO marry an Egyptian girl in the first place.  Would you want to marry someone is still ungrateful and wants more even after you give them everything you can?

Some marry purely for love, others marry because they prefer revert women as they are more pious, and still there are the men who take advantage of women.  Frankly, though, I am tired of hearing women bash Egyptian men because of some one sided story. This is the real reason the MAJORITY of Egyptian men who marry outside their own culture marry.