I consider myself a traditional
Muslim wife/mother and a feminist. I
have had many people tell me that I am old fashioned, or that by considering
myself both I am contradicting my own beliefs.
I do not believe this is true. It
is possible to follow traditional roles of a wife and mother while still being
a feminist. Frankly, I am tired of women
who claim to be true feminists telling me what I can and can’t do as feminists
- isn’t that the kind of thing feminists are against in the first place. In this article I am going to explain how I
practice being a traditional Muslim wife and mother as a feminist.
Traditionalist beliefs can be
defined as an emphasis on the value of tradition, moral codes, and traditional
values (traditionalism, n.d.) . As a Muslim woman, my traditionalistic
beliefs bring me to Hadith and Sunnah that state the woman’s primary job is to
take care of her family,mind you I said primary-not the only role. I take pride in
caring for my family because it is a duty assigned to me by God and because I
am working extremely hard to raise a new generation of individuals.
Not only do I believe in following
the traditional values for Muslim women, but I also follow traditional methods
of parenting, cleaning, and preparing food.
I have a lot of kitchen tools that many ‘modern’ women my age may not
even recognize or know how to use. I do not use a
microwave, I cook food from scratch, and I hand wash a lot of my clothes. I put a lot of pride and effort into every
task I do from cooking right down to mopping the floors on my hands and knees.
So, I know what some people may be
thinking. “How can this be a symbol of feminism?” “Feminism isn’t hiding in a
kitchen but working outside the home.” “Feminists
do not follow man’s expectations of a woman but set their own path.” Well, let’s
think about feminism for a moment.
My favorite definition of a feminist
is one offered by Su, an Australian woman who, when interviewed for Kathy
Bail’s 1996 anthology DIY Feminism, described them simply as “women who don’t
want to be treated like shit,” (Bail, 1996) . Another good definition is offered by Marie
Shear (1986), “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." To
sum up these definitions, one could say that feminism is women having an equal
choice in the role they play in society.
The problem I have with modern
feminists is that they believe that because I choose to perform a certain role,
the traditional role of women, I, therefore,
have a disadvantage behind men. I think
this is only for the woman to decide. I
do not feel as though I am experiencing a disadvantage but I feel empowered by
my responsibilities and duties of my family and God.
What makes me feel at a disadvantage
is other women telling me what I can and cannot do as a feminist woman. No man is making me chose one way or another;
it is woman expecting me to choose a particular lifestyle that they feel is
feminist regardless of my views. Many of
those women have said I am “brainwashed” and “under-educated.” The
fact of the matter is, I am well educated and have made what I feel is the
best-educated decision for myself and my family. That is my choice as a woman and to tell me
otherwise is against feminist values.
So how did I come to the decision to
stay at home and care for my family? It
took a lot of research, a lot of learning, and a lot of looking at the world
around me. Nowadays more children are
suffering from obesity and diabetes than ever.
“Childhood obesity has more than
doubled in children and quadrupled in adolescents in the past 30 years,” (Ogden, Carroll, Kit, & Flegal, 2014) . Another factor is that almost 160 children
are convicted of crime every day, (Slack, 2010) . Children are also suffering educationally,
psychologically, and more children and adolescents are committing suicide than
ever before.
Young children now days are shipped
to daycare when their parents are working; other parents leave older siblings
in charge after school. I have seen so
many times parents who come home from 8-12 hours at work and have no energy to acknowledge
their children let alone cook them a healthy meal and spend quality time with
them. So many people in today’s age are
more concerned with money than morals and what does that teach a child? Some
parents are too exhausted to tell their children no because they have no fight
left in them after a hard day at work.
From toddlers to teens this spirals out of control until the parents
feel trapped in a terrible nightmare.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot
of amazing women out there who can focus on work and still come home and
provide for their family. I did it many
years. Working full-time, going to
school full-time, while working full-time from home as a full-time stay at home
mother of three is no easy task, but I put my family first. I knew if I couldn’t preform all four roles I
would have to cut back to ensure my family never lacked in proper care and
support. I finally saw how I was killing
myself trying to work outside the home as these so called ‘feminists’ said I
needed to do to be liberated. I don’t
have to sacrifice my sanity or the well-being of my family to be a feminist,
and that’s all there is to it.
I love cooking homemade meals
because I know I am providing myself and my family a healthier option than a
quick 15-minute meal from a supermarket or out of a box. I take pride in making food that is healthy,
beautiful and tastes great. I take pride
in keeping my home clean and safe for my family. I take pride in the hours of sweat that goes
into hand cleaning Persian rugs and hand scrubbing floors because I know it is
cleaner than pushing around a mop and cleaner than using an electric floor
shampooer that uses harsh chemicals and leaves the water to mold in my rugs. I
take pride in hand scrubbing stains from white undershirts and mending torn
seams because it saves my family money for things we can enjoy doing
together. I take pride in hours spent teaching
my children life lessons because I know they will grow up and pass it on to
future generations.
I am a traditionalist by choice. I am a feminist by choice. I am educated, and I love my work. I enjoy the role I participate in society,
and no one has the right to try and make me feel bad about my choices. In my
opinion feminist is a woman who doesn’t take shit from anyone-male or
female.
References:
Bail, K. (1996). DIY Feminism. Crows Nest,
Australia: Allen & Unwin.
(n.d.). traditionalism. In Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary
(Eleventh ed.).
Ogden, C. L., Carroll, M. D., Kit, B. K., & Flegal, K. M. (2014). Prevalence
of Childhood and Adult Obesity in the United States, 2011–2012. Journal of
the American Medical Association, 311(8), 806-814.
Shear, M. (1986). Reviewing A Feminist Dictionary by Cheris Kramarae and
Paula A Treichler in New Directions for Women .
Slack, J. (2010, March 3). Number of child criminals 'has jumped by
13% under Labour'. Retrieved February 02, 2016, from Daily Mail:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1255013/Number-child-criminals-jumped-13-Labour.html
No comments:
Post a Comment