How to avoid being taken advantage of by Egyptian men.

With the media filled with the story of another Egyptian man who has taken advantage of another Western woman by marrying her for immigration purposes, it seems more and more people are questioning the credibility of all Egyptian men.  Being married to an honest Egyptian man, I have come to see many women question my husband's credibility (without any right to do so) based on the actions of these idiots who are using women. 

It is my hope that before considering marrying an Egyptian, this will at least one woman and possibly help her to understand whether or not he is using her, reassure her if he isn't, and help her to find the courage to leave him if he is.  It is also my hope, that if we can stop these men from using women through the education of unsuspecting victims, the honest Egyptian men can stop being questioned for the actions of others whom they are not even associated with. 

I know that sometimes we let our heart lead and our brain follows somewhere behind.  This should never be the way we approach any relationship.  We need to lead with our brain and make decisions that are smart for us, allowing our hearts to be present but not have any real dictation over what we do.  This is by far the most important advice I can offer to women.  Don't let love blind you.  If something doesn't feel right, if something hurts you, if there is something you just don't feel comfortable with, don't put up with it. 

·         Where and how did you meet him?

o   So many women I have gotten to know or heard of who have been taken advantage of by Egyptian men have met their spouses in Sharm El Sheikh, Hurghada, or the on the internet via social media or online gaming.   

o   In Islam serving alcohol (anytime) and associating with women of the opposite sex outside of marriage is forbidden.  For Egyptian Christians, men also do not associate with women of the opposite sex outside of marriage.  Many of the men working in Sharm and Hurghada are leaving their moral and religious upbringing behind for money.  This should be one of the first signs alerting women of a potential user. 

§  Meeting an Egyptian man in a nightclub should be seen no differently as meeting a Western man in a nightclub.  Most of these men are just looking for women or a hook-up, no different than in Western countries. 

o   Meeting a man online is a gray area and not all of these men are going to be users, but there are a few things to consider:

§  Does he have his friend’s list blocked from you? If he will not share his friend’s list with you I would be extremely cautious and personally, I’d end it there.  Why would you want to marry someone who cannot be open about their friends with you and share that?

§  Is his family on his friend’s list?  If you meet him via social media and he doesn’t have his family as friend’s I would recommend you avoid him as well.  My first fiancé, who was a user, had several different Facebook pages and the one I met him on was only for ‘friends’ and he had a separate one for family.   Why wouldn’t a man want his family to see what he is posting and the comments people are responding?  Embarrassed or ashamed of something?

§  Does he have a lot of women friends?  This should be another alarming thing.  Stay away from men with women friends who are not his family.  He is a womanizer and possibly trying to have relationships with many women.  If you can’t see his friend’s list, check his picture comments.  Comments will show you his friend’s as well.  Are most of them from women?  These men should be avoided as it is never a good man who has more women friends than men in Egypt.

§  Ask him to give you access to his Facebook page.   I know it might sound like an invasion of privacy but explain to him that you want to avoid having secrets as they break apart a relationship.  How he reacts to your response can be a clear indicator of whether he is trustworthy or not.

·         The women they target:

o   Many men target vulnerable women.  I’m sure people have heard stories about the much older women, but that isn’t the entire truth.  I have known women who are the same age as the Egyptian man being taken advantage of.  The thing is, these men target vulnerable women.  Overweight women, women with a lower self-esteem, those who are recently divorced, and women who travel alone.  Some men also target new Muslim revert women because they are less knowledgeable in cultural and religious practices.

§   If it seems like they are out of your league, almost unbelievable that they would be attracted to you, which should be something to concern yourself with.  Either you have self-esteem issues that are making you a possible target or they may in fact be targeting you because you are out of their league.  I’m not trying to be rude or harsh, but it is something to be aware of.

§  One way to avoid becoming a target is by not telling them a lot of personal information right away.  Do not let them think you are vulnerable.  Keep details about your family and personal life private until you have a better understanding of their intentions.  Do not tell a man everything about you on the first date or conversation.

§  On another note, many Egyptian men are attracted to plus sized girls.  I do not want this to be taken the wrong way and should be used in addition to other signs.  All men have different tastes, but the vulnerability is something to be aware of.

o   How long did it take him to ‘fall in love’ with you?  Again, this varies especially because even honest Egyptian men often fall in love quickly, especially being they have very little contact with women outside their immediate family.  If you meet a man in a nightclub, for instance, and before the end of the night he is telling you he loves you it should be another instance where you should run like hell.  Or if you meet a guy on the internet who is loving you before the end of the first hour… 

·         The issue of Money…

o   As I have stated in a previous blog post, Arab men are very proud and do not ask for financial help especially from a woman.  If a man is asking you for gifts, money, or help with his immigration fees please beware.  Here are a few tips to help you determine whether or not he may be a potential financial user:

§  Does he ask you to send him money?  Seriously ladies, avoid these men like the plague.  No honest Egyptian man will ever ask a woman for money.  They were raised with more pride than that. 

§  If he wants you to travel to meet him, suggest that he pays for a portion of your trip.  If he really wants to see you he would be more than willing to pay some of your trip.  Even if it is for the hotel expense.  Egyptian men are raised to take care of their wife, if he loves you, this will be something he WANTS to do.

§  Does he send you gifts or is he asking you to send him gifts?  Again, this goes back to the idea that an Egyptian man will want to take care of his wife.  In traditional Egyptian culture, a man will buy his fiancé gifts before marriage not the other way around.   I’m not saying you can’t send him gifts, but if he is asking for them I’d be suspicious.

§  Does he work?  Yeah, even with the poor economy in Egypt an honest man will find some kind of work.  Even college students work, if he doesn’t work find out why.  Take this into consideration.

·         Other details to watch out for:

o   In most cases, the family will not be in on the con.  While a few family member may be, most likely someone won’t be.  Ask to meet his family before you become serious.  If he is embarrassed to take you, or reluctant this should be alarming.

o   Make him meet your family before you’re married and do not take no for an answer.  This is a traditional requirement for marriage in Egypt and should never be avoided.  Any man trying to avoid would make me very suspicious.  If it upset him, just imagine how upset you’ll be if it turns out he is using you!

o   He should put your feelings first.  If he is overly concerned with himself, often tells you he’s becoming upset with you, tells you this or that will make him angry-please avoid him.  This is just a manipulation technique used by a lot of these men to guilt you into doing what they want.

o   Suggest living in Egypt.  I’m not saying you have to, but suggest it and stick to your suggestion until after your marriage and then change your mind if you want to go home.   A man who isn’t using you for immigration won’t mind living in Egypt at all, a man who is will insist on leaving.   

o   Insist on meeting his entire family before getting married, do not get married without meeting them.  I mean his immediate family, his grandparents, his aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Traditionally, you should meet his immediate family first privately and after they give you their blessings to be married, ask to meet his extended family.

o   Having sex before marriage is something that no Egyptian man (Christian or Muslim) with any moral upbringing will do if he respects himself, you, or his family.  I know this may be hard to understand as a westerner, but this is how men are raised in Egypt and is still something highly regarded. Besides, it is ILLEGAL for an Egyptian man to have sex outside of marriage. SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE (ADULTERY) IS ILLEGAL FOR ANYONE IN EGYPT (CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS, RESIDENTS, AND FOREIGNERS), AND EVEN FOREIGNERS CAN BE ARRESTED. 

o   If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Follow your brain and forget about your heart or you may end up with a broken heart.

Obviously there are always other things that could suggest that they are using you.  If it seems suspicious, please proceed with caution.  As well as things I may not have mentioned, it is also fair to say that not every Egyptian man is out for a visa or money.  My husband and I have been happily married for two years, living in Egypt.  I know many women who have successful marriages with Egyptian men, living in Egypt and in the West.  Not every man who immigrates because of marriage is using a woman.  Please understand that and be aware that your fiancé may just be a good man who truly loves you.

As with any situation, don’t let love blind you.  I would hate to see any woman get hurt and advise you take it extremely slow with any man you become involved with. I wish you and your fiancé the best of luck. 

Everyday life in Egypt: Part 1 Laundry

So I have been living in Egypt for two years collectively now.  Life in Egypt is not what one would expect and each and every chore is a little harder than it is in Western societies.  Egypt lacks many western conveniences and it is hard to find many others.

One thing that took me a while to get used to was washing laundry.  As a mother of 3 daughter I have done a lot of laundry in my life.  Laundry never really was that much of a chore and I felt like I was a pro. Hahaha!  That was until I moved to Egypt.  A lot of things are different when you wash laundry and it becomes much more of a chore taking a lot more time and energy.

One of the first things I want to discuss is the drying.  In most Western countries we dry our clothes in dryers, or at least own a dryer.  I did do a lot of line drying in the summer because it saved money but always dried underwear and socks in the dryer.   It is very unlikely that you will find a dryer in Egypt.  They are technically reserved for the very rich or used in hotels for foreigners because they are outrageously expensive ($1000+).  They also take a lot of electricity, which there is a shortage of in Egypt and therefor is extremely expensive as well.

Clothes hanging from the balconies.

Most women hang dry their laundry, all year around.  This can be quite challenging being 90% of people in Egypt live in sky-rise apartment buildings. It is generally hung from a clothes line over the edge of your balcony, which can be quite tricky. Here are a few tips I have learned when hanging laundry.

• Use plastic clothes pins.  They are stronger than the wooden ones and do not leave rust stains on your clothes. Pin large or heavy items with extra pins.  Egypt is windy and you are possibly several stories off the ground.  I have lost an abaya and a lot of my husband's undershirts from not pinning things securely. 
• Do not spin your clothes out all the way.  This is a good method to avoid wrinkles. A lot of women hang them soaking wet, at least in the summer. They only take a couple of hours to dry in the hot sun and it saves you a lot of  ironing time. 
• Do not hang your clothes above your neighbor's clothes.  If your neighbor below you has clothes hanging and they do not have a balcony, please be polite and avoid hanging your clothes above theirs.  Even damp clothes drips and if it is dripping on theirs it could wet their clothes or possibly even damage it.
• Don't lean too far over your balcony edge.  Can you imagine falling several stories... Think about it... 
• Hang your underwear on the inside line behind the rest of the clothes. Traditionally, men's underwear and under shirts are hung on the outer line to show that there is a man living in the house.  If you're foreign this might be a good way to keep away unwanted guests.
• If you're still uncomfortable hanging your underwear outside, do as a good friend of mine did. Purchase a wooden or metal hanging rack and place it inside your home.  This provides you with privacy and the peace of mind that your underwear won't fly away.
• Hang the longest clothes (pants, skirts, abayas, sheets, etc...) closest in, just in front of your underwear line.  Try to go outwards from longest to shortest.  This is something I learned the hard way.  Egypt is windy.  If you hang long items on the outside line, they will just blow up and over the rest of your clothes and possibly tangle around them and blow with several other thing, away onto the street. An example of the best way to hang clothes is in the image below from dreamtimes.com.

As you can see, clothes are hung from the longest on the inside to the shortest on the outside.
Image from www.dreamtimes.com

Another thing that was a big difference in Egypt was the washing machine itself.  While there are automatic front loading washing machines, and most upper middle class families have one, you may not.  There are technically three kinds of washing machines in Egypt: automatic washers, bucket style washers, and split washers.  

I currently own a split machine, also known as a half automatic.  The automatic washers, like my mother-in-law and sister-in-law have, are going to be basically the same as what you're used to in the West except that the setting will probably be in Arabic.   

Bucket or Baby washers are small washing machines that only wash clothes.  They do not spin them and will not automatically fill or drain.  They are meant for small loads or small apartments.  They are pretty simple to use, my sister-in-law also has one of these for baby clothes and underwear.

Modern Bucket/Baby washer

The split washers are a bit to get used to.  Often times you will have to move them into your bathroom to wash with them because the waste water hose has to be lowered to drain the water out, which will run out the drain in the bathroom floor.

I have made the photo tutorial below which explains how to basically use a two sided washer:

Notice it has two sides.

This is a picture of my two sided washer.

The controls are in English and Arabic

The first step is to add water:

This is where you attach the hose for the water.  Make sure to switch it over to wash (on both the water feed and machine) when you are filling and select the load size you will need.

I don't have a hose so I choose to fill it with my shower hose. This works just as well, just be sure to remove it before washing.

If you are using your shower or other hose in the bowl, make sure to stop filling as marked on the inside of washer for the load size you will be washing.  I will be washing a medium sized load. If you don't do this you could easily overflow your washer.

The second step is to add your clothes and laundry detergent: 

Make sure to add soap appropriate for your machine.  Hand washing detergent is best in half automatic machines but I do use automatic detergent but make sure to have extra water to ensure it dissolves.

Set your timer and cycle type and close the washer.

Step Three: Drain water

Turn the washer knob over to drain and lower your hose.  Don't worry, your bathroom should have a drain.

Step Four: Rinse

In this step you will repeat the first two steps, but do not add soap. If you have fabric softener add it now. 

Step Five: Drain

Again, you will manually need to drain your washer

Step Six: Spin (Optional)

In this step you take your wet clothes from the wash portion and put them in small amounts into the spin portion of your washer.  Make sure to put the rubber shield over-top of your clothes. After you spin one portion, remove them and repeat until finished.  Remove washer from your bathroom when you're done.

Finally, I want to mention washing detergent.  There are several brands available but be careful on what you select because some is for hand washing and some is for automatic machines.   Also, if you wear black abayas often I suggest you get the detergent for darks (woolite or similar brand).  My preferred brand of detergent in Egypt is Oxi though I have used Tide (VERY expensive).  I do not like the Persil brand because it seems to be very generic and lacks scent and suds. Ariel is what I use for hand washing and is a decent brand and my preferred after Oxi. 

I wish you all the luck in your Egyptian journey.  Just remember to have fun and don't be afraid to ask for help.  Stay tuned for more this week on Part 2 of this series: Cooking!

Things to know before you marry and Egyptian

You're most likely here because you've recently taken interest or become engaged to an Egyptian man.  I'm actually really glad you are here because this is one step towards making a long lasting marriage.  

See, I've met a lot of girls over the years who have become engaged to and/or married Egyptian men. Most of these women I met knew little to nothing about Egyptian men and Egyptian life before marrying and from what I've seen, many of them have suffered to some degree or another from it.

I must admit, I have a wonderful marriage, alhamdulillah.  After two years we don't really struggle with cultural differences at all.  Mostly because both of us are somewhat understanding of where the other person is coming from.  We took a lot of time to get to know each other before we got married.  We asked a lot of questions, spent a lot of time talking, and paid close attention to one another's habits.  We never expected each other to be something we're not.  Thankfully, I seem to be more Egyptian than American because I already lived a lifestyle very similar to the traditional Egyptian lifestyle. I can only image if we weren't so understanding and patient with one another though, or if we wanted to change one another.

Have you ever heard the old saying, "Don't marry someone you want to change."  It is basically saying, if you can't live with someone the way they are, don't expect them to change or become something they're not.  If you don't love them for who they are don't marry them.  This is true in every relationship, especially those in which you marry someone from outside your own culture.  Don't try to change them, the only thing you can do is try to understand them and change yourself. 

It is my hopes that this guide can help some couples overcome the big hurdles by giving women a little knowledge on Egyptian life and Egyptian men.  I have talked to several other women, currently or previously married to Egyptian men, to try to make a list of some basic tips to help you either decide whether this is a commitment you want to make or to help you overcome some problems you may be faced with.

So let's get started:

1: Don't expect Egyptian men to be like Western men.

• Egyptian men are not like Western men.  What I mean by that is they don't think the same nor do they act the same.  For the most part, Egyptian men are raised to be the decision makers of the family.  While women do have some say, the big decisions will always be made by the men.  I advise any woman considering marriage to an Egyptian speak to her fiance' about who will make the important decisions before hand.  

• Egyptian men don't only like to control the decisions but they also like to be in control of their families.  Be prepared to ask for permission to leave the house, even if it is to go to the supermarket.  You will have to tell them everything.  The reasons for this vary as some like to know for your safety and others just expect you to obey them.  This doesn't go both ways. For the most part, Egyptian men come and go as they please and will not offer you any explanation. Demanding one may be asking for a very heated argument.  Again, I advise speaking to your significant other about this before you get married.  Very bluntly ask if this will be something they will expect of you.

• Egyptian men may try to hide things from you to try to 'protect' you.  For example, you husband may get hurt or detained by the police.  He may not call you if he is in the police station or hospital but will tell you once he comes home.  Basically, his thinking is that he doesn't want to worry you.  This is something a lot of women have mentioned and it is definitely something to discuss with your fiance' and be aware of before getting married.

• Egyptian men are very jealous. Do not expect to have male friends or associate with males without causing real problems in your relationship.  This is unheard of in Egyptian culture.  Women are friends with women and men are friends with men. Before, and after marriage, they do not mingle with the opposite sex. This is mostly religious but expect jealousy if you do, and most likely a heated argument or divorce.

• Traditionally, Egyptian men were raised to care for their families.  While they do have control over their families this is a double-edged sward for them.  For the most part, Egyptian men will work extremely hard for long hours and most likely, if you're living in Egypt, at least two jobs. Do not expect him to be home a lot and expect him to be tired when he does get home. Typically, Egyptian men only get off of work on Friday.  

2: Expect more traditional gender roles.

• Women in Egypt still abide by pretty traditional gender roles.  While they are free to go to college and work, it will depend on your spouse if he will allow it or not.  Yes, you heard me correctly.  He can dictate whether you work or not.  As a woman married to an Egyptian, your first obligation is to care for your family. If you're Muslim, you should already be aware of this duty, if you're not, be prepared for it. This is also true in Egyptian Christian families. Most men will allow you to work if you can also care for the home, have lunch prepared before he gets home from work, and can care for any children you two may have together.  If this is something you have a problem with, I would definitely advise you to reconsider marrying an Egyptian man. This is by far the biggest issue I see with couples.

• For the most part, a man's role in Egypt is to provide financially for his family but don't expect him to be your ATM machine.  This is why so many Egyptian men marry Western women. Many Egyptian women are unappreciative of their husband's work and expect him to give her money even if they can't afford it.  An Egyptian man takes pride in working as much as he can to give his family a decent life but this also can cause him to be away from home a lot. This causes the wife to do most of the raising of any children they may have. Do not expect him to change, even if you move outside of Egypt.  This is something most of their fathers have engraved in them passed down through the generations. 

• Egyptian men do not have women friends, traditionally.  Women do not befriend men in Egypt. Even at large family gatherings, women eat in different rooms than men, mostly so they can sit in their pajamas and remove their head scarves.  Your future spouse may be uncomfortable around your women friends and if you have male friends it can possibly ruin your marriage. Also, be aware that any man who has a lot of women friends is most likely not a good man.  I know this may be hard to understand, but in the Arab world, men who befriend women aren't honest.  They are usually womanizers and don't respect women.  This IS really important whether his is Muslim or Christian.  Please be aware of this now because most of the time it is an addiction they won't get rid of easily.

3: Egyptian In-Laws will invade your life.

• I can honestly say, I love my in-laws with all my heart and soul.  I am very blessed to have them and they are the most wonderful people I know.  One thing that really made my life easier was understanding my in-laws before I got married.  Egyptian families are very close.  Most men will do absolutely anything for his family, and honestly, I'd be afraid if an Egyptian man wouldn't.  This goes both ways.  If you're in a jam they will do anything for you as well, but expect them to want to be involved in your life-a lot.

• Egyptian Aunties.  I've heard horror stories about Egyptian Aunties.  Alhamdulillah, my husband has a wonderful family, but not every woman has experiences similar to mine. Your husband's Aunts and other older women family members may like to gossip about you.  Not because there is anything wrong with you, but let's face it, you are a foreigner and different. Try not to let it bother you.  One way to avoid this is to first be aware that it may happen. Secondly, don't do anything to draw extra attention to yourself publicly. 

• Egyptian mother-in-laws are wonderful.  I want to say that.  I love mama and she is a very close friend of mine.  Like my own blood.  If you get to know your future mother-in-law and understand her you will not go wrong.  Understand that they will be overbearing and especially since you are not Egyptian. They will be worried about the well being of their son, mostly that he won't be eating enough. They will expect you to cook Egyptian food and act in a way traditional to Egyptian women. If this is something you don't want to do, don't try and explain to her, this could result in insulting her or making it worse. I advise you just go along with what she says when she's around. Most Egyptian mothers are very tough and very set in their ways. They will want to help raise your children if you have any with your husband/future husband, because traditionally raising children is done by the entire family.  This is something you will not change if you're living in Egypt, and I don't advise you try to change it.  Just understand whether or not this will be something expected and get to know your mother-in-law before you marry.
• You may have more than one mother-in-law.  Yes, Egyptian men sometimes do have more than one wife.  They should all be treated like your mum and with equal respect. 

• His family will love you because they love him. If you're sick expect a family reunion to check on you.  Expect that to go both ways.  If you're in the hospital they will all show up.  Expect a lot of family get-togethers around the any holiday.

• When you marry an Egyptian you marry his entire family.  It's true.  Never, I mean never, insult them.  Especially his immediate family.  Most likely you will find yourself losing respect from him and possibly divorced.  

• Discuss these things with your future spouse because every family is different. I advise trying to get to know them before you get married. Maybe come for a visit first. Learn Egyptian Arabic and speak to them.  

4:  Other odds and ends

• If you're planning on living in Egypt for any length of time, please read my previous blog post on the Realistic and Harsh Truths: A Guide to Living in Egypt

• Learn to put your foot down.  Don't let them get away with something you don't like.  Tell them it bothers you before it gets to the point where you can't stand it.  

• Talk to your fiance about things before you get married. If something he does bothers you, tell him now.  Don't wait until you're married and expect him to change. 

• Try to be open minded.  You are marrying into a very old, traditional culture.  Try new things and explore what works for you and your family.  

• Please, please try to learn Egyptian Arabic.  I have a few post on here with some beginner words.  One site that really helped me a lot was https://www.memrise.com/.  You can also email me personally and I will attempt to help you as much as possible, inshallah.

• Finally, remember, every relationship is different and so is every individual. Follow your heart but not so much that it clouds your judgement.  If something doesn't feel right, it very well may not be.  

I wish everyone the best of luck in their relationships.  I will be working on other posts regarding more about Egyptian men, everyday life in Egypt, and some tips on surviving the culture shock.  Be sure to check back often.

DIY Halal 3 Ingredient Strawberry Freezer Jam

Unlike much of the western world, when living in Egypt one can not just run to the supermarket to find fruits and vegis that are not in season and have been imported from another place.  While some supermarkets do carry some imported fruits and vegetables here, it is extremely costly and often unreliable.

One thing I like to do back home is can my produce.  One thing about canning is that is must be stored at a cool temperature and honestly, in Egypt, it is only cool during the winter months.  Canning is not always an easy option.  I have opted to do a lot of freezing but my freezer space is also limited. So how do I enjoy winter fruits in summer and vice versa?  One thing I do is make freezer jam.  This concentrates the fruit into smaller portions but still gives you that fruit well past the season.

Today I have decided to take some of our winter bounty, strawberries, and make freezer jam. Currently at the souq, you can buy a kilo of strawberries for five pounds ( 2 lbs for ~ $0.65) which is a great price so we are stocking up because as temperatures are beginning to hit around 28°C (82°F) I know the end to the strawberry season is only weeks away.

Another great thing about this jam is that it is halal which is one of the reasons I make it back in the states.  A lot of jams are NOT halal containing gelatin which is made out of pork carcasses.  Some also contain alcohol.  This recipe contains neither, therefore is a great halal addition to your breakfast.

So, I thought I would share my strawberry freezer jam recipe which is the same one I have been using for over 10 years. It only has three ingredients and is pretty much foolproof.  It tastes just as good as traditional canned jam but is just easier to make for those lacking canning experience or those who don't live in canning friendly countries.

Halal 3 Ingredient Strawberry Freezer Jam

Ingredients:

2 lbs (1 kg) fresh strawberries

1 1/2 cups (~350ml) of sugar

1/4 cup (~60 ml) lemon juice

Makes: About 2/3 quart (630 ml) of jam

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time:  30 minutes

Cool Time: 2+ hours

Directions:

Wash the strawberries well.  Next we will hull the berries, which means cutting off the tops and stems.  How small you chop your berries will depend on how chunky you prefer your jam.  I prefer a smooth base with some small chunks here and there so I place about 3/4 of the hulled berries in my food processor and blend until smooth.  I slice the remaining berries.

Add berries and sugar in a thick bottom sauce pan over medium heat. Bring to a rolling boil.  Add lemon juice.  Don't worry it doesn't effect the flavor it just balances out the pH of the jam so it thickens correctly.

Continue to boil, stirring frequently.  The jam will thicken and boil very high, so make sure to use a tall pot.  

After 30 minutes remove from the heat and transfer to heat resistant containers.  I use pint jars. Allow to cool for about 2 hours before adding lid. Will last for about 6 months in normal freezer or up to 2 years in deep freezer. 

Why I would hire a child for labor.

For most of my adult life, like most people, I felt that child labor was wrong and as a society we should boycott any company that utilizes child labor.  Growing up in the United States most people live a fairly comfortable life.  For those individuals who are lower income, the government provides them with financial support.  Children from lower income families can still go to school and even go on to college-many of which are supported by the government.  You don't see many children starving to death or begging in the street. Growing up in America, children have it easy.

Moving to Egypt opened up my eyes to the problems developing countries face.  In 2014, it was estimated that about nine percent or about 1.6 million children between the ages of 5-17 were involved in child labor.  With the current economic crisis, it is estimated that number has doubled in recent years.

Children in Egypt work in many labor sectors but mostly in agriculture and craftsmanship work such as auto repair.  Children as young as five work in cotton fields in the south and the fruit orchards in the north.  They do not attend school.  They are paid for their services, from seven to fifteen pounds a day (about $1-$2).

Of course, this is not the ideal lifestyle for a child.  Growing up in the West this was initially difficult for me to understand and very devastating to see.  As time went on I became more aware and understanding of the circumstances that often surround these children laborers.

Many of these children come from penniless families.  Families who's fathers have died or maybe sent to prison. Children who run away from parental abuse.  Bastard children who were abandoned by their parents and society try to ignore. Children from families who can not feed their children even working 20 hours a day.  Children with little to no chance at life.

Unlike the United States, Egypt does not have government-supported social services programs for poor and needy families because, well, over 72% of the population in Egypt are living in extreme poverty.  The economy is in a severe recession, and there are very few jobs.  Most employment, even cashier jobs, require a bachelor's degree.  If a single mother with no work experiences were to try and find work, she would most likely end up selling goods on the street for only a few pounds a day- if she could find a job at all.  This would not feed her family, this would not pay bills, this would not pay for her children's education.  There are no food stamps or welfare.  No one is going to help her.

These children who are involved in the labor market already have a low chance of going to school.  Even primary school costs enough that many of the poor in Egypt can not afford to send their children. Those children without a father to support them have virtually no chance of an education. While Egypt boasts about it's 'free' college tuition, it is not free.  One semester of the lowest levels of college will cost a family about 700 pounds in tuition and another 1000 pounds in books and fees.  When a family can barely feed themselves, often unfortunately, education loses priority.

While no child deserves to be robbed of his or her childhood, sometimes it is their only chance to survive, their only chance to live, and their only chance to have a future is to work.

A boy or girl sent to work in the fields will not enjoy their lives; I can admit that.  But the farmer will provide them with food, clothing, shelter, and medical care along with a small wage each day.  These children are not only being cared for, but they are learning a skill that will better them in the future. No, it is not a formal education, but it is a skill that will ensure them a future career and a chance to raise a family of their own.

Boys who go on to work as craftsmen, either in mechanic's shops or possibly in a furniture shop will learn a skill as well. I live in an area now that is just south of the craftsmen shops in Port Fouad. There are many boys working here, several under the age of ten years old.  They are fed, given a place to sleep, given clothing, and they are taught a skill.  For many of these boys, this employment is their only chance at life.

If you were to stop abruptly all child labor in Egypt what would that mean for these children?  Would they get a new pair of shoes?  A free education?  Free food and clean water to drink?  Would they get a nice home and a soft, warm bed? Would they go on to be doctors or lawyers?   No.  More likely the would get killed, starve to death, or find a job elsewhere.  But even more, likely they would go on to be criminals, stealing and selling drugs to feed themselves and their families, possibly ending up in prison before they even turn 18 years old.

Do I support child labor? Of course not, but the solution isn't as easy as just boycotting a particular company or making a law against child labor.  The system has to be improved as a whole, to help parents to provide for themselves and their children.  The system has to be improved to help children who have nowhere to go.  There is a lot of work to be done in the social services sector before child labor can stop.  Without it, these children have no chance.

So as it stands right now, if I owned a small business in Egypt, I would hire a child to work for me.  I would, of course, educate them, feed them, and care for their needs.  But maybe that employment is the only way that child will survive.  Maybe by hiring a child I am giving them a chance to live a somewhat normal life someday.

Macarona bil Bechamel: Egyptian Pasta with Bechamel sauce

Some people may think it is odd that you would find pasta dishes in Egypt. While it may not sound Egyptian, macarona bil bechamel is an all around favorite dish served in Egypt.  My mother-in-law actually taught me this dish and it is one of my husband's favorite.  It is basically the Egyptian version of lasagna. 

Since I have been asked for this recipe three times now, I figure it is about time I post it here.  Note that while you can use any kind of pasta you like for this recipe my two personal favorites are large shells and penne because they capture the flavor and essence of the dish best. I have also used bechamel packets before with great success so if you can find them in your area, it will save you some time. 

Macarona bil Bechamel

Prep time: 20-30 minutes

Cook time: 45 minutes

Servings: 4-6

Ingredients:

• 1 (16 oz.) box of Penne pasta
• 2 lbs (~1 kilo) of ground beef
• 1 medium onion (diced)
• 3 cloves of garlic (minced)
• 1 tbsp parsley (preferably fresh)
• 1/2 tbsp thyme
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 8 oz tomato sauce ( I prefer fresh homemade)
• 1 egg, beaten
• 2 tbsp Parmesan (my personal extra

Bechamel Sauce Ingredients:

• 4 cups of milk
• 3 tbsp butter
• 3 tbsp flour
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 1 tsp white pepper
• 1 tsp black pepper 
• 2 tsp salt

Directions:

1. Prepare pasta according to directions on the box. Drain and set aside.
2. Saute the onion in a little oil over med high heat until soft. Add garlic and saute another two minutes.
3. Add ground beef and cook until brown. Drain the grease, return to heat, and add the thyme and cinnamon. Cook 1 minute until fragrant.
4. Add tomato sauce and parsley. Stir well and simmer for about 15 minutes.
5. Prepare bechamel sauce:  In a large saucepan over med-high heat melt the butter. Once melted whisk in the flour until smooth for 2-3 minutes. Now whisk in the milk slowly and make sure to keep whisking to prevent lumping. Add salt, nutmeg, and peppers. Keep whisking until it reaches the desired thickness, which is thicker than average gravy.
6. Mix half the bechamel with the pasta and then pour mixture into 9x12 baking dish.  
7. Pour the meat and sauce mixture on top of pasta.
8. Pour the remaining bechamel sauce over the meat and sauce.
9. Bake at 350°F (~175°C) for about 45 minutes or until bechamel is brown and crisp. 
10. Let cool for an additional 15-20 minutes before serving. 

Being a traditionalist and a feminist… Not an oxymoron.

I consider myself a traditional Muslim wife/mother and a feminist.  I have had many people tell me that I am old fashioned, or that by considering myself both I am contradicting my own beliefs.  I do not believe this is true.  It is possible to follow traditional roles of a wife and mother while still being a feminist.  Frankly, I am tired of women who claim to be true feminists telling me what I can and can’t do as feminists - isn’t that the kind of thing feminists are against in the first place.  In this article I am going to explain how I practice being a traditional Muslim wife and mother as a feminist.

Traditionalist beliefs can be defined as an emphasis on the value of tradition, moral codes, and traditional values (traditionalism, n.d.).  As a Muslim woman, my traditionalistic beliefs bring me to Hadith and Sunnah that state the woman’s primary job is to take care of her family,mind you I said primary-not the only role.  I take pride in caring for my family because it is a duty assigned to me by God and because I am working extremely hard to raise a new generation of individuals. 

Not only do I believe in following the traditional values for Muslim women, but I also follow traditional methods of parenting, cleaning, and preparing food.  I have a lot of kitchen tools that many ‘modern’ women my age may not even recognize or know how to use.  I do not use a microwave, I cook food from scratch, and I hand wash a lot of my clothes.  I put a lot of pride and effort into every task I do from cooking right down to mopping the floors on my hands and knees.

So, I know what some people may be thinking. “How can this be a symbol of feminism?” “Feminism isn’t hiding in a kitchen but working outside the home.”  “Feminists do not follow man’s expectations of a woman but set their own path.” Well, let’s think about feminism for a moment.

My favorite definition of a feminist is one offered by Su, an Australian woman who, when interviewed for Kathy Bail’s 1996 anthology DIY Feminism, described them simply as “women who don’t want to be treated like shit,” (Bail, 1996).  Another good definition is offered by Marie Shear (1986), “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." To sum up these definitions, one could say that feminism is women having an equal choice in the role they play in society.

The problem I have with modern feminists is that they believe that because I choose to perform a certain role, the traditional role of women, I,  therefore, have a disadvantage behind men.  I think this is only for the woman to decide.  I do not feel as though I am experiencing a disadvantage but I feel empowered by my responsibilities and duties of my family and God. 

What makes me feel at a disadvantage is other women telling me what I can and cannot do as a feminist woman.  No man is making me chose one way or another; it is woman expecting me to choose a particular lifestyle that they feel is feminist regardless of my views.  Many of those women have said I am “brainwashed” and “under-educated.” The fact of the matter is, I am well educated and have made what I feel is the best-educated decision for myself and my family.  That is my choice as a woman and to tell me otherwise is against feminist values.          

So how did I come to the decision to stay at home and care for my family?  It took a lot of research, a lot of learning, and a lot of looking at the world around me.  Nowadays more children are suffering from obesity and diabetes than ever.   “Childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and quadrupled in adolescents in the past 30 years,” (Ogden, Carroll, Kit, & Flegal, 2014).  Another factor is that almost 160 children are convicted of crime every day, (Slack, 2010).  Children are also suffering educationally, psychologically, and more children and adolescents are committing suicide than ever before. 

Young children now days are shipped to daycare when their parents are working; other parents leave older siblings in charge after school.  I have seen so many times parents who come home from 8-12 hours at work and have no energy to acknowledge their children let alone cook them a healthy meal and spend quality time with them.  So many people in today’s age are more concerned with money than morals and what does that teach a child? Some parents are too exhausted to tell their children no because they have no fight left in them after a hard day at work.  From toddlers to teens this spirals out of control until the parents feel trapped in a terrible nightmare.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of amazing women out there who can focus on work and still come home and provide for their family.  I did it many years.  Working full-time, going to school full-time, while working full-time from home as a full-time stay at home mother of three is no easy task, but I put my family first.  I knew if I couldn’t preform all four roles I would have to cut back to ensure my family never lacked in proper care and support.  I finally saw how I was killing myself trying to work outside the home as these so called ‘feminists’ said I needed to do to be liberated.  I don’t have to sacrifice my sanity or the well-being of my family to be a feminist, and that’s all there is to it.

I love cooking homemade meals because I know I am providing myself and my family a healthier option than a quick 15-minute meal from a supermarket or out of a box.  I take pride in making food that is healthy, beautiful and tastes great.  I take pride in keeping my home clean and safe for my family.  I take pride in the hours of sweat that goes into hand cleaning Persian rugs and hand scrubbing floors because I know it is cleaner than pushing around a mop and cleaner than using an electric floor shampooer that uses harsh chemicals and leaves the water to mold in my rugs. I take pride in hand scrubbing stains from white undershirts and mending torn seams because it saves my family money for things we can enjoy doing together.  I take pride in hours spent teaching my children life lessons because I know they will grow up and pass it on to future generations.

I am a traditionalist by choice.  I am a feminist by choice.  I am educated, and I love my work.  I enjoy the role I participate in society, and no one has the right to try and make me feel bad about my choices.   In my opinion feminist is a woman who doesn’t take shit from anyone-male or female. 

References:

Bail, K. (1996). DIY Feminism. Crows Nest, Australia: Allen & Unwin.

(n.d.). traditionalism. In Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (Eleventh ed.).

Ogden, C. L., Carroll, M. D., Kit, B. K., & Flegal, K. M. (2014). Prevalence of Childhood and Adult Obesity in the United States, 2011–2012. Journal of the American Medical Association, 311(8), 806-814.

Shear, M. (1986). Reviewing A Feminist Dictionary by Cheris Kramarae and Paula A Treichler in New Directions for Women .

Slack, J. (2010, March 3). Number of child criminals 'has jumped by 13% under Labour'. Retrieved February 02, 2016, from Daily Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1255013/Number-child-criminals-jumped-13-Labour.html

  

Sabanakh bil tamatam: Egyptian Spinach Stew

In our house we love food.  My favorite recipes are those real, down to earth, handed-down-through-the-generations, local Egyptian recipes. I love comfort food and Egyptian food just screams comfort. I know a lot of Egyptian recipes but every once in a while I get to try something new.

After living in Egypt for over a year I was introduced to sabanakh.  Sabanakh is a wonderful stew very similar to molokhia with a few noticeable differences: spinach, more tomato, and meat (beef or lamb) instead of chicken.

Usually I have a little bit of history to go along with my recipes but with this one, I have nothing.  So let's move right along to the recipe shall we?

Sabanakh bil tamatam (Egyptian Spinach Stew)

Prep time: 15 minutes
Cook time: 2 1/2 hours
Servings: 4-6

Ingredients: 

• 1 bunch fresh spinach (about 10 oz. or about 275 grams)
• 1 lb (1/2 kilo) stew meat
• 2 large onion, minced
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 4-5 cups of water
• 2 beef bouillon cubes
• 4 cloves of garlic (minced)
• 3 teaspoons tomato paste
• 2 large tomato (chopped fine in food processor)
• 1 teaspoon paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg (fresh ground is best)
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon coriander
• 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cardamon
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Wash spinach and cut into small strips. Set aside.
2. Add butter to large stock pot over medium heat. Once melted add onions and cook until tender. 
3. Add beef and brown on all sides.  You may have to do this a little at a time.  
4. Add garlic and saute for about 2 minutes.  Do not overcook or brown the garlic.  
5. Add water and bouillon cubes.  Turn heat to high and bring to a rapid boil.  Boil for 10 minutes than reduce heat to low and simmer for about 2 hours or until meat is tender.
6. Once meat is tender add tomato paste and all of the spices.  Mix well and cook for about 2 minutes
7. Add tomato and spinach.
8. Simmer over low heat for about 30-45 minutes.
9. Serve hot with Egyptian Rice (recipe here)