Realistic and Harsh Truths: A Guide to Living In Egypt for Foreigners.

For women like me, who have married an Egyptian and move (or stay for an extended period of time) away from home to Egypt. I have seen a lot of shock at the way we live.  So many women come here and suffer sever culture shock and have a very difficult time living.  I mean living as in doing daily activities they would do back home.

You may have met at some time a woman now living in a bigger city such as Sharm, Hurghada, Alexandria, or Cairo.  Their experiences are going to be very very different if than someone living ANYWHERE outside those areas.  Also living here an extended period of time (more than a couple months) is going to be much different than just visiting.

I have read a lot of horror stories about living in Egypt.  Women who came here, freaked out, and left their husbands to return home because they just couldn't handle it.  I've seen women who want to leave after several months but just can't because of finances.  It is a terrible situation all around.

Here is a simple guide to living in Egypt.

The best advice I can give is to do research about the area you are moving to.  What do they wear, how much things cost, customs and traditions...  If you are marrying (or married to) an Egyptian man ask him and his family.

Life in every area will be different.  I live in Port Said Govornorate and it is quite and peaceful.  With a population of over 2.5 million we have only had 2 murders since I have lived here (almost 2 years now) and no rapes or sexual assaults.  Living in the villages, women will be required to wear traditional clothes (abaya and khimar or hijab-possibly niqab) if they want to avoid village gossip.  Villages don't have supermarkets or a lot of places to shop.  You're going to be expected to take on the role of a ordinary Egyptian housewife if you've married an Egyptian.  Cities like Cairo, Alexandria, Sharm, and Hurghada will have more places to shop, more English speaking people, foreigners, but expect more crime.  Do research related to the area which you live in. This guide will offer you the broad basics you can expect almost anywhere in Egypt.

Guide To Living In Egypt

Egypt is NOT a step up from living in Europe or America.  Life here is difficult.  The economy is not good at all.  Living conditions are much different.  Housing, electronics, and cars cost A LOT of $.  There are strays wandering the streets, huge cockroaches and biting ants will invade your living space, and the streets are littered with heaps of trash.

Egypt is noisy.  Unless you're living in a village, expect noise.  Lots and lots of noise.  Think NYC during rush hour multiplied by 50.  People are noisy, cars are noisy, there is always construction.
People live on top of one another. While Egypt has a large land mass, it has one of the highest population densities in the world.  In Cairo, along the Nile, and in the Delta the population density in 2014 was averaging from 500 to over 1,000 people per square kilometer. That means there aren't a lot of parks, open spaces, and 'houses'.   People live in large towers in small apartments.  Many families all live in one 2 bedroom apartment.  And because of that population density apartments are in very high demand and even ones in very bad neighborhoods or that are in poor condition are extremely expensive.

There is a lot of garbage.  With all those people and a very poor economy there isn't as much garbage pick up as one would be used to in the Untied States or Europe.  All that trash piles up. And smells horrible. It attracts pests by the thousands.  Flies, cockroaches, and strays.  Recycling services don't really exist.  With the heat in summer, expect the smell to only get worse.  You do get used to it and it's repulsiveness after a while but it is one thing I see a lot of women complain about once they get here but you never hear about in the Guides.

Learn to speak Arabic.   Egyptian Arabic.  And quickly. Preferably before you move.  If you want to go out on your own, this is a must unless you're living in a tourist city.  If you happen to find someone speaking English it will be less than adequate for a conversation and the people who can will be few.  This is a country that speaks Arabic.  Its best to learn it to make your life more comfortable.  You will be able to talk to family and make friends, thus avoiding the feeling of isolation many women feel once moving to Egypt.

You will most likely not be able to live off American or European food and products.  It's just too expensive.  It's better to get used to the Egyptian food right away.  Don't waste your time on bottled water either. City water is safe to live if you're not in a village. I have lived here for almost two years and have NEVER gotten sick from the water.  EVER.  Rule of thumb.  If it smells or runs brown (or any color other than clear) buy bottled water until it returns to normal again.  

Expect power outages that last hours.  In summer they happen almost daily.  Many places also suffer from water and sewer outages as well.  It is important to buy battery operated lanterns and store water in containers for washing, using the toilet, and drinking.  You need much more water to drink here because of the heat so be sure to store at least 20 gallons for an outage that may last days. 

Again, if you plan on eating food you're used to in America or Europe,  I hope you're bringing a lot of money with you.  On the average Egyptian salary, a man struggles to feed his family Egyptian food. Food that is imported is much more expensive.  Here is a simple guide to some of what you will find based on my own purchases (which I don't do often btw)...

• American Bread: 13 pounds per loaf
• Can of Dr. Pepper, Cherry Coke, Diet sodas, and any soda not popular or manufactured in Egypt: About 11 pounds
• Mozzarella Cheese: 1/2 kg bag is about 33 pounds
• Betty Crocker cake mix: 35 pounds
• Box of cereal (smaller sized) 18 pounds
• taco shells: 48 pounds
• Processed Milk: 15 pounds per kilo
• Processed cheese: 18 pounds for six slices
• Solid or gel under arm deodorants: about 65 pounds
• meal at fast food restaurant for two: 60-100 pounds

This might not mean much to you now, but let's compare to Egyptian food prices:

• Single loaf of Local Bread (Eish Balady) about 1/10 of a pound
• can of pepsi, coke, or other popular soda in Egypt: about 3.5 pounds
• Locally made cheese: varies but for what is similar to cheddar about 1/2 kilo will cost you 22 pounds
• Egyptian brand cake mix: 9 pounds
• Rice: 25 kilos for 15 pounds ( will last you about 3-5 months)
• Fresh milk ( you have to boil it yourself): 8 pounds per kilo
• Roll on deodorant: 7-13 pounds
• Average home cooked Egyptian meal that serves 5+: 35 pounds

No Egyptian jobs do not pay much.  And as I said earlier, the economy here sucks.  Men often times have to work multiple full time jobs for 7 days a week to support his family.  Most jobs pay minimum wage and that is a salary of only 1,200 EGP per month.  Less than $200 USD.  I am going to give you the averages for utilities and rent so you get an idea of where it goes.

• Rent in an unfurnished flat: 1200 EGP per month
• Rend in a furnished flat: 2,000 + EGP per month

Wait, we already went over the average salary in Egypt with just rent, that can't be correct.  Well, sadly it is.  A man's entire salary will go to pay rent.  His second job goes to pay the rest.

• Telephone and internet: 70-100 EGP per month
• Electricity: between 50-75 EGP per month if used sparingly.  If you run an air conditioner expect to pay well over 200 EGP per month
• Petrol (Gas for cars) 30 EGP will get you about half a tank
• Taxi fares: In Port Fouad we have it easy.  To get to town I have to pay 5 pounds per trip. Around town is 3.5 pounds per trip.  Ride the microbus.  Its cheaper.  Only about 1 pound per trip here, 3 pounds per trip in Cairo.   
  
• Groceries will cost you about 100-200 pounds per week (if you keep to fresh, locally grown foods).  Half a kilo of any kind of meat is about 15 pounds.  Fresh is always cheaper than processed.  Avoid chain stores such as Metro, they're way overpriced.
• There is virtually no medical insurance in Egypt so plan to save about 100 pounds a month in case of emergencies, which will happen.
• Cell phone credits: about 100 EGP per month

I'm sure there is stuff I'm forgetting about financing but this gives you a rough idea of what to expect.

Ok, onto other matters.  The military is not going to hurt you.  There is no war.  It is very safe in 99% of Egypt.  Sexual assaults, murders, thefts, and other crimes are not that regular.  The military is just doing the job of the police.  The police force is relatively small compared to the persons per square kilometer so they bring the military in to help out.  

People drive crazy here.  No seat belts, holding babies in cars (no one uses car seats), swerving in and out of traffic...  Stuff I've seen foreigners scream about.  LOL  In town, I personally don't worry.  You'll never go fast enough to get hurt.  On the highway... I just advise you pray. Actually, most deaths in the Arab world aren't caused by war, terrorism, or disease... But by car accidents.  

Don't compare it to anything you've known before.  I've lived in a lot of places, Egypt is nothing like them.  I love it here.  This is my home.  I wish I could stay forever.  But it is not what you expect.  No matter how prepared you are, it will be completely different than anywhere you've lived before.  Enjoy it.  

If you do some simple research, learn the language, learn to trust... You can make your life here very enjoyable.  The people are really friendly, the atmosphere is very relaxed.  Old fashioned hard work is an important value to Egyptians.  

How to Survive a Cross Cultural Marriage for American Women

According to recent studies more people who marry outside their own culture are at risk for separation or divorce.  Personally, eight women I know have divorced from their cross-cultural marriages.  

Whether you marry within or outside your own culture, sooner or later conflicts will show up in any marriage.  With cross-cultural marriages, though, the problems may seem insurmountable.  No matter what the differences you and your spouse might have, you must find your way of working through them.  

Whatever your reason was for marrying outside your race or religion, you have chosen a course that will undoubtedly be much more difficult than the average marriage.  Your cultural, traditional, and religious differences will pull you this way and that way, possibly pulling you apart.  Cross-cultural marriages can be loving, exciting, beautiful relationships if you know how to handle them, or they can be hell, a thunderstorm of emotion and pain.

My hopes in writing this simple guide is to encourage families to take some simple steps to improve their relationships, avoid problems before they ariseو and provide some simple steps to resolve them if they do.

My #1 piece of advice to cross-cultural couples:

Understand that your spouse doesn't know everything you know and that you don't know everything he/she knows. Educating yourselves ahead of time about what to expect from each other's culture, religion, and traditions will save you a lot of arguments down the road. 

Before moving to Egypt, and before marrying Wael we spent six weeks preparing each other about what to expect from both American and Egyptian cultures.  While we are both Muslim, we did talk about our beliefs because it is important to us to be on the same page, or at least understand what the other believes.  

I asked specific questions about family structure, punishment of children, housing market, what is expected of men and women in a marriage, the influence of his family on our marriage, how women act in public and in private in Egypt.  He asked me the same kind of questions about America. I even asked if there were cows in Egypt (Growing up in Wisconsin we know that dairy cows require a lot of water and Egypt is a desert and everywhere near water is highly populated, so I wasn't sure. Yes, we have cows, and they even live in town, ).

One thing I was glad to learn about Egyptian men is that they are trained from birth to be 'tough' in public.  Men are not raised to tell their wives they love them in the company of their friends, kissing in public is actually illegal, and you will not be able to disrespect them in any way outside of the home (and in some marriages, inside the home).  While he has gotten used to telling me he loves me openly (and even almost kissed me once in public after coming off the ferry from work), it was hard on him at first. Egyptian men are raised to think that showing emotions such as sadness, love, and fear is a sign of weakness, and it will make them look weak therefore putting their family and egos at risk.

This was an important thing to know.  Can you imagine telling your husband you love him in front of his family or friends and expecting a returned "I Love You" only to get looked at strangely.  Oh, I would have been highly offended, and it most likely would have lead to a big argument.  

My point is, before you even get married learn as much as you can about the other person.  Don't be blinded by love because that only leads to mistakes. Is there something you can't live with in the other person's culture or traditions?  It's better to know now than to find out it is a divorce factor later.

Tip # 2:

Learn your spouses native language and teach them yours.  

There is nothing worse than sitting there bored with a conversation that you can't even understand. There will come a time when you will meet his family, and I'm sorry, but you can't expect them all to learn English, that's not even fair.  If you plan on moving to your spouse's country and want to live a near normal life, independent of having absolutely everything translated for you, you have to learn your spouse's native language.  The same goes for them as well, especially if you two are planning on traveling or immigrating to the United States.  

Both of you knowing the other's language will solve a lot of problems before they even arise.  For example I knew a girl who was engaged to a Jordanian man.  He didn't speak any English, and she didn't speak any Arabic. Their conversations over skype and facebook were mostly done with google translate.  A lot of Arabic words do not directly translate into English, and this caused major communication problems.  After their marriage, they would scream at each other aimlessly because he or she said something the other mistranslated.  They divorced after only five months of marriage.  In any marriage, communication is key if you can't communicate in at least one language why even get married?  Just saying. 

Tip # 3: 

Just because you're American doesn't make you better than anyone.  You are not above anyone or their Country's laws. 

I understand American pride.  I understand that we are brought up thinking we are superior to other nations because of our capitalism and military power, but here is the reality, we are no better than anyone and if you go into your marriage thinking this you will fail.

I find it, as an America, really insulting when other Americans walk around foreign countries like they own them.  Like their little blue passports make them above the locals.  The women who if they can't get their way, can't find somewhere, or don't understand will just start shouting at you like you're less than them.  Yes, you might be American but you are only human, and you are NOT better than anyone else.

An example of this would be a woman I know.  She married an Egyptian man and thought she was much better than all of the Egyptian people.  While my husband and I were eating with her and her husband she was talking about how savage Egyptians were because they don't use silverware.  You could visually see that she was upsetting her husband. She turned to me trying to prove her point and asked how I would eat a steak.  To her surprise, I eat steak with my hands. Now this woman, a devout Muslim woman, was criticizing something thought to be Sunnah by Muslims because the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ ate with his hands.  Her explanations were that she was American and taught to be civilized and grew up in an Officer's Club.   She still struggles with the uncivilized ways of living in Egypt and hates it here.  

I have seen women insult their husband's families for being backward, call the embassy because they wanted to get above the law (which doesn't work btw) and talk down to people. Fast way to cause problems in your marriage.  You are both human, both equal, no one is better because of where he or she comes from.  Simply, if you think you're so much better, why don't you marry an American than? Why are you choosing someone you can't stand to be around and a culture you loathe?

Tip # 4:

If you are having problems talk about them, be honest, patient, and be open minded.

I know you might be frustrated, at your whits end, but at one time you probably loved your spouse, and most likely you still do.  Chose what you say and do wisely.  Take the time to listen to their point of view, trying to understand where they are coming from-even if it is really hard to understand. 

As Americans, we have views that are much different than many other cultures.  For a lot of people, understanding why a woman would want to choose to cover her head would be very hard to comprehend.  Just as for a Muslim man, having a wife or daughter who wants to go to the beach in a bikini would be insulting and incomprehensible.  You have to put yourself in their shoes.   If your spouse is upset about it, it probably means a lot to them.  No matter how angry you are, shut up and listen.

You may not understand right away, or ever, but if you want your marriage to work out, you will both have to find a middle ground.  Compromise.  Find a way to make everyone happy.  It takes work but if you truly love one another and want to make it work you have to try. 

My final tip:

Plan for the future.  Talk about having children.  Talk about burial.  Talk about retirement. Where you will live, etc...

Having babies will be a big challenge if you don't discuss this ahead of time.   What religion will your child be brought up in?  Do you both agree whether your child will be circumcised or not?  How many children do you want?  Will raise your children according to your culture and traditions, theirs, or both?  If you're Muslim and raise your children Muslim, will your daughters be required to wear hijab and at what age?  Will you celebrate traditional American holidays with your children and their traditional holidays?  

Another important topic to discuss is death. While none of us want to imagine death, one day it will happen to all of us.  Being prepared for your spouses requests is important.  Cremation or Not? Religious burial or not?  Funeral requests, last words, your will, where you will want to be buried. All things to plan for.  You never know when God is going to call you to him, it could be today, tomorrow, in a year, or in 50...  Better to be prepared than to have the extra stress when it does happen.

Wael and I talked about this right way.  I had no specific expectations or requests other than to be buried close to him. He feels very strongly about being buried in Egypt, near his family, no matter where we live when he passes away. This is a good thing to know because shipping a body over seas can be expensive so saving for it now is smart.  Also, it prepares me to know I may be living away from his body after he passes.  

Finally, where will you live when you get married... It's an important question if you're from different countries.  You both will most likely have family that you may have to leave behind.  Don't think he should have to leave, or you should have to leave.  It should be a mutual decision.  Take the time to study things such as the economy, will you be able to support your family where you choose to live.  Things like what you can and can't live with will also be important. 

Please note that I am in no way a marriage expert, I am just someone with experience in the matter and who has made mistakes.  I think that it is important to learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others and to help wherever you can.  

If you have any advice of your own you'd like to add, please let me know.  

Good luck and may God grant you a blessed marriage!

Do we really have to wear hijab and what is acceptable as hijab?

In Islam, wearing hijab is an obligation for women.  I have heard a lot of women say that they don't have to wear it, that it's their choice.  Sinning is a choice.  Whatever the excuse, you will not find a single Islamic Scholar who will tell you that hijab is not obligated for Muslim women.  This requirement is written in both Qur'an and Hadith.

Hijab is obligated for many reasons.  It protects Muslim women from unwanted, and forbidden gazes of men (and in some cases women).  Hijab protects a woman from placing her beauty above her intellect.  It gives her humility and modesty.  Hijab is also a sign of Ummah, or oneness with the whole community of Islam.

When I first started wearing Hijab I felt empowered.  I felt that I was no longer subjected to what society (at the time, American Society) expected me to be, but what God (I am using God instead of Allah because I am speaking in English and using English terms) expected me to be.   I was no longer a slave to male expectations of a woman. I was able to be judged for what is inside me.  Or so I thought.

I don't think I understood fully the true meaning of hijab when I first started wearing it.  Like so many other Muslim reverts, I searched the internet for ways to wear hijab.  Somehow I found myself caught up in the world of Hijabistas (Hijab fashionistas), trying to find the latest fashions.  Did this scarf look cute with that outfit, did it match my make-up, how to add this pin to make it even cuter...

I still wore relatively modest attire, or at least I thought I did.  Why would all these women teach me something that was not Islamic?   But after a while something started to bother me.  All these women, Hijabistas were selling us the idea that this was what hijab was.   Fashion.  It was necessary to be 'cute' and conform to today's 'fashion' while still being modest.  WHAT!!!

So we are wearing hijab for whom then?  The rest of the world? Are we that much of slaves to what 'Western' non-Muslim culture labels as 'fashion' that we need to try and replicate it with hijab?   Is this what God meant by modesty and hijab?

I started feeling ashamed to go out in such attire.  I am not a slave to anyone's opinion.  I do not need my clothing to validate my worth.  I do not need someone else's opinion to boost my self-esteem.  I do need to be comfortable that I am making the best effort to please God.

I started wearing a plain black abaya and khimar, or ocassionally black hijab.  An abaya is a loose outer garment.  I wear one I purchased from Sunnah Style specifically because they do not embellish with beads, embroidery, and are not tight fitting.

Khimar is a loose style of hijab that is pulled over the head. It covers the shoulders, chest, and is easy to wear.  In Qur'an, the ONLY style of hijab mentioned was that of khimar. (Surat Al-Nur 24:31)  You have to read it in Arabic to get the correct translation.  It says: 

وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا ۖ وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ

If we look at the word بِخُمُرِهِنَّ it would state in colloquial Arabic the word: bi-khimar-hun. The root word is khimar.  The only type of hijab mentioned to wear in Qur'an is khimar. It also states in this verse how we should wear it.  This verse also uses the term جُيُوبِهِنَّ which translates to bosoms or pockets.  It means pockets because the pockets of an abaya were just below the chest.  So this verse tells a woman to wear khimar at a length were it fully covers her breasts.  

So as a new Muslim I was lied to, or at least misguided.  While I understand the good intentions in trying to ease a Muslim convert into wearing hijab by making them fashionable, IT IS NOT HIJAB we are teaching them.  We need to teach women correctly.  At least then it is their choice if they want to wear hijab correctly or not.  

So to recap:

Not Hijab as described in Qur'an
  Does not cover chest.
Also note her arms are not fully covered.

Not Hijab as described in Qur'an
Does not cover the chest, neck or ears.
Is for fashion, not for God.

Not Hijab as described in Qur'an
Does not cover the chest
Another example of fashion pleasing people.

While this one does cover more of her body
the point of it is still fashion.  Note the folds and jewelry.
Why continue to please people who will not be there for you on judgement day?

Much more accurate if wearing a scarf.
  Length is appropriate.
There is some fashion but it is more representing toward the real meaning of Hijab.

THIS IS KHIMAR, HIJAB AS DESCRIBED IN THE HOLY QUR'AN.
THIS IS THE BEST AND ONLY METHOD OF COVERING DESCRIBED IN QUR'AN 

The Many Benefits of Home Schooling for Children

The Many Benefits of Home Schooling for Children

“A child’s education has always been seen by parents, and perhaps by society as a

whole, as the purview of the child’s parents,” (Hiatt-Michael 1994).   When thinking about education in America today school houses, recess, and school busses often come to one’s mind.  In America today, roughly 83% of children attend public schools for their education (Davis and Bauman 2013). While the next most popular choice in children’s education is private school, more and more parents are taking control of their children’s education by home schooling.  Why are so many parents deciding to home school their children?  The answer is clear for many parents.  There are many benefits of home schooling that outweigh the benefits of traditional education for children.

            For many parents, the choice to home school their children are made in hopes to improve their child’s academic achievements.  Many parents feel that they can provide a better education for their children than the standardized public education system (Saghir 2008).

        Public schools typically suffer from relatively large classroom sizes, 15 or more students per teacher.  Larger class sizes result in less individual attention for each student and more time spent disciplining children than actually instructing children (O'Neill and Mercier 2003).  Larger class sizes also affect the length of a school day. According to Saghir, home schooled children also need less hours a day of instruction (Saghir 2008).  A majority of instruction time in public school is often wasted waiting for a teacher to answer individual questions, standing in line, listening to another student, getting children back on task, and other small tasks such as roll call, recess, and bathroom breaks (Horsburgh 2005).  For children who are home schooled, instruction can include more individualized attention, shorter days, and lessons that extend much further than the classroom.

       For many children who are home schooled they also have to opportunity to learn valuable life skills not taught in public instruction. While there is a lot of strategically placed fact based curriculum, many skills such as using surviving without technology and credit are not taught in most public schools (Saghir 2008).

       Many parents have been looking to the past to teach their children skills not offered anymore in public schools (Saghir 2008).  With more and more technology being used in public schools to save time and money, children in many schools are not even reading physical books anymore (Johnson 2014).  According to Johnson, students use computers and tablets more and more for research many not even teaching how to conduct research in a library (2014). Children who are home schooled can learn using traditional methods.  They can also study other traditional skills such as cooking, sewing, crochet, healthcare, household management, and how to manage personal finances.   Some people may be concerned that learning these extra skills may take away from a child’s academic learning but what do the academic scores say about the success of home schooled children?

       Skeptics are concerned that children who are home schooled will suffer academically.  One of the reasons so many parents are choosing to home school their children is because recent studies suggest that home schooled students score much higher in academic testing than children who attend public schools (Horsburgh 2005).  “In study after study, the homeschooled have scored, on average, at the 65th to 80th percentile on standardized academic achievement tests in the US and Canada, compared to the public school average of the 50th percentile” (Ray 2007).  In another study conducted at the University of Maryland, out of more than 20,000 home schooled students the average academic achievement test scores were in the 70^th to 80^th percentile (Saghir 2008). 

       Many parents of another type of child are equally concerned about the academic quality of their children’s education.  Special needs children make up 47% of all children who are home schooled (Johnson and Knuth 2010).  According to Johnson and Knuth special needs children are considered both children with learning impairments and children who are gifted and talented (2010). Both of these groups of children learn at a pace much different from children in their age group.  Home school education gives parents the ability to closely monitor their child’s progress, move their child along at their own pace, and handle any special behavioural issues that public school staff might not be trained to deal with (Johnson and Knuth 2010).

       While the academic benefits of time management, life skills, academic quality, and dealing with special needs students seem very clear, many parents have more than one reason for choosing to home school their children.  Because of religious diversity, public schools have tried to distance themselves from religion in an attempt not to offend any students or parents.  Some ideas and values taught in public schools even go against some religious values.  For these reasons and others, some parents choose to home school their children for religious reasons.

       For many religious parents, home schooling is a way to incorporate their beliefs into their children’s education.  Unlike children in public schools, home schooled children can pray and participate in religious activities without worrying about ridicule from other students or teachers.  “Homeschooling parents can easily and actively preserve ideologies, values and practices by which to live,” (Saghir 2008).  Saghir also states that religious beliefs deter children from participating in negative activities such as drugs, sex, and criminal activities (2008).

       Families who also practice certain religions may also face discrimination and extra hardships while their children attend public schools.  The number of home schooling families with the Muslim, Buddhist, and Hindu faith are dramatically on the rise (Saghir 2008).  For Muslim children, it is especially hard due to discrimination and schools illegally refusing to let the children pray and dress according to their religion (Ray 2007).  Other religions experience similar problems. 

       Many families are not strangers to discrimination whether it is because of social class, race, or religion.  Society today is not easy on children.  Many parents see their children coming into contact with activities such as drugs and alcohol, their children becoming the victims of bullying, and their children being influenced negatively by other students. Because of the growing social issues of today, many parents are choosing to home school their children.

       Bullying is a real issue in many public and private schools across America.  Children are bullied for anything from their accent, the way they dress, their social class, their religion, or just because they’re new in school (Johnson and Knuth 2010).  Bullying can scar a child for life, and in some instances even lead to depression and suicide.  When parents choose to home school their children, there is no real pressure for these children to ‘fit in’.   There is no added peer pressure for children to conform to what a group feels is popular (Saghir 2008, 47).  Children can be themselves and develop talents they enjoy without the fear of retaliation by their peers.  Saghir says, “Studies have shown that homeschoolers have a more positive self-concept than their peers in schools” (2008, 48)

        For some parents, home schooling means keeping their children away from negative influences.  Parents often worry about their children’s’ exposure to sex, drugs, and criminal activity.  Much of the bad behaviour a child learns, it learns from other children in school (Horsburgh 2005).   A parent cannot choose who their child interacts with in public schools, who is in the child’s class, and so on.  

       Many parents believe that home schooling gives them the opportunity to guide their children towards more positive influences, monitor their social influences better, and choose to teach their children about sex when they feel the time is right (Johnson and Knuth 2010).  According to recent studies, home schooled children are 79% less likely to suffer from drug addiction, teen pregnancy, and juvenile delinquency (Saghir 2008).   These numbers are a great motivation to parents.

       The number of home schooled children is rapidly growing.  Academics, religion, and social reasons are just some of the reasons parents choose to homes school their children.  According to research, it is clear that there are many benefits to home schooling children over enrolling them in public and private schools.  With the growing number of economic, political, and social issues the number of home schooled children will most likely continue to climb well into the future.

References

Davis, Jessica, and Kurt Bauman. School Enrollment in the United States:2011. U.S. Census Bureau, 2013.

Hiatt-Michael, D. "Parent Involvement in American Public Schools: An Historical Perspective 1642-1994." School Community Journal 4 (1994): 247-258.

Horsburgh, Fergus B.N. "Homeschooling Within the Public School System." Ottawa: Simon Fraiser University, 2005.

Johnson, Ben. "Too Much Technology and Not Enough Learning?" Edutopia. March 14, 2014. http://www.edutopia.org/blog/too-much-tech-not-enough-learning-ben-johnson (accessed June 9, 2015).

Johnson, Sarah Anne, and Jessica Diane Knuth. "A Descriptive Analysis of Homeschooling Children with Autism." Sacramento: California State University, 2010.

O'Neill, Jan, and Deborah Mercier. "Incredible shrinking class size." Journal of Staff Development 24, no. 3 (2003): 18-22.

Ray, B. "The Evidence is so Positive, What Current Research Tells us About Homeschooling." Christianbook.com. 2007. http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/cms_content?page=1812612&sp= (accessed July 4, 2015).

Saghir, Aneela. "An Introduction to Homeschooling for Muslim Parents." Sacramento: California State University, 2008.

Arab/Muslim Men. How to know if they really love you.

You're probably reading this because you have at one time or another been in or sought out a relationship with an Arab or Muslim man outside your own country.  As so many women in the United States and Europe are converting to Islam, they are also seeking good Muslim husbands.  So many of us women know, either through stories or personal experience, this task is easier said than done.

            

I remember the days when my Facebook inbox was full of male requests for ‘friendship’; I remember when I was 'engaged' to my first Muslim fiance. I remember the feeling of skepticism.  My family and friends saying he was just using me, reading the horror stories online.  How does a Muslimah know who is using her and who is true?

Well, alhamdulillah, God says we should think.  And that is just what we are going to do.  Here is a short and simple RED FLAG list for women looking to enter into relationships with Muslim men they don't personally know. 

HOW TO KNOW IF A BROTHER IS USING YOU OR NOT

1.     USE YOUR BRAINS AND YOUR HEART.  You don't want to listen too much to what others say, but you don't want love to blind you either.  Keep your eyes open for signs.  

2.     UNDERSTAND HOW MUSLIMS IN ARAB COUNTRIES COURT. So many Muslim converts believe Muslims do not court before marriage. This just isn't true.  There is a big difference between courting and dating.  Muslim men and women around the world meet at work, on the bus, in college, at the mall...  They just make their knowing each other public.  No sneaking off, no alone time, you get the drift.  Don't think that you have to rush into marriage. Take your time to get to know each other before getting serious.  

3.     START YOUR OWN PI BUSINESS.  You really need to look into this guy.  Talk to his friends, family, and other people on his facebook page.  If he isn't hiding anything he won't mind. If he gets upset, RED FLAG. 

4.     DOES HE HAVE A LOT OF WOMEN FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK? MULTIPLE PAGES FOR HIMSELF USING FAKE INFORMATION AND NAMES? My ex had 3 different facebook pages.  Ibraheem something, Ezil Ibrahim, and Tamer Haboub.  The one Ibraheem something was full of women, Ezil was for family, and he ditched Tamer after some girl started saying she loved him. I actually asked my friends to friend him and pretend they didn't know we were together and see what he said.  It wasn't good.  

5.     DOES HE WORK?  Ok this sounds silly but if he doesn't work don't take his excuse.  Even men in Gaza find work.  Arab men are built on the pride of working very very hard.  Find out where they work, what they do, previous employment.

6.     DOES HE ASK YOU FOR $$.  My ex tried this with me at first, too.  He wanted 1000.00 shekels to buy a new laptop so he could 'talk to me more'.  He never got it, it didn't hurt us, but I was really bothered that he asks.  NO REAL ARAB MAN WILL ASK FOR $, THEY HAVE MORE PRIDE THAN THAT.

7.     ASK HIM TO ASK YOUR PARENTS FOR PERMISSION TO MARRY YOU.  ASK HIM TO SPEAK TO HIS PARENTS. This is a big one.  I did talk to my ex's mother and father.  Many times.  

8.     DO NOT LET HIM SEE YOU NAKED MORE THAN ONCE.  Yes, he can see you fully naked, only once, to decide whether he wants to marry you. From Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’” According to another report he said, ‘a young woman of Bani Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.” (Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1832, 1834)

1.     That does not mean he can masturbate or ask you to do the same.  These things are haram and be aware of a man who asks you to commit adultery before marriage because if he is willing to do it with you now, what is stopping him from sinning against God again in the future with someone else?

9.     PROPOSE LIVING IN HIS COUNTRY.  This is great if you have no problem living there. And you can always change your mind.  Most good men don't want to leave their families and would be happy to stay.  If the repeatedly object, RED FLAG ALERT!

10. PRAY ABOUT IT AND TRUST IN GOD. Everything happens for a reason.  While it may be hard to learn that someone you love may not really love you in return, God is always controlling our lives and who we know and why.  Trust in Him.

11. DO NOT MARRY HIM THE DAY YOU MEET HIM. Visit him in his country, more than once. In Muslim countries, engagements can last several years.  Again, take your time to get to know him and his family.  

12. ASK HIM TO PAY YOUR FARE TO TRAVEL WHEN YOU DO GET MARRIED.  Most Muslim countries (especially Egypt) require a man to meet certain family requirements to marry a woman, if he isn't willing to pay for you to come marry him, seriously consider his worth. 

Real reasons why some Egyptian men are marrying foreign women.

Most of you know I have lived in Egypt for over a year now.  This has given me a lot of insight on Egyptian culture.

So many people think Egyptian men only marry foreign women for money and visas to their countries. While in some cases this may be true, most of the women I have seen saying this have had a bad end to their marriages for various reasons.

Some reasons were due to culture clashes (seriously girls, do your research before marrying out of your own culture and don't expect them to change), adultery (if you start a relationship with adultery also don't expect that to change), but most of the reasons I have seen is because she left him when he couldn't come to her country because SHE didn't want to live in Egypt.

Now, there are reasons so many Egyptian men marry foreign women, and I won't deny that some of them do marry for money and visas.  No, I do not think this is right, it is very very wrong, but this simply doesn't speak for the majority.

After seeing married couples, attending weddings, and listening to my husband tell experiences from his friends who married EGYPTIAN girls, I have gone out and done my own research on the subject.  Here is what I found.

Egyptians have a lot of cultural restrictions to marriage that are NOT Islamic.  They are purely cultural.  When a man wants to marry an Egyptian girl, there are many things he must do to prove he is worthy and satisfy the girl's family before he can get their blessings.

First, he must have a GOOD job.  Good jobs in Egypt are hard to find, even if a man graduated college.  Even to work as a cashier at a grocery store they want a bachelor's degree.  Most factories, even for individuals in places of authority, only pay 1,200.00 EGP per month salary.  That is NOT enough to even feed a family on.  So that man has to work two or more full time jobs to fulfill his duty.  If you consider bills, a 'allowance' for his wife (and most Egyptian girls want a hefty 'allowance' even if the man can't afford one), food, gas for his car or taxi fees, emergency expenses... The average Egyptian man can't do that.

Secondly, he must buy a flat.  Depending upon the city and the requirements of the family, he may have to pay over 450,000.00 EGY but no less than 250,000.000 EGP.  Now remember the salary?  How many years do you think it will take to save that kind of $$?!

Thirdly, he must furnish that flat with very fashionable NEW furniture.  When we furnished our flat, it cost 4,000.00 EGP just for a new small stove and small refrigerator.  If you count our used furniture it was another 10,000.00 EGP (not including what was borrowed from family)-and our flat is relatively empty.  It generally costs somewhere between 50,000.00 EGP and 100,000.00 EGP to furnish a flat.

Fourth, the wedding must be fancy.  No expense spared.  That's another 50,000.00 EGP plus.

So, an Egyptian man has many opportunities to meet foreign women now days.  Whether it be online, through friends, while traveling themselves, or while the woman is visiting Egypt to name a few.  They become friends.  The man really likes the woman and she really likes him.  She would make a good wife.

Most foreign women's families do NOT have as strict of marriage requirements as Egyptian families. Most of them let their daughters choose who they want to marry.  None of the above things are of that much importance.  As long as he can provide for her.  For older women, in their late twenties and older, there is usually no need to ask family. They are free to marry who they want, no longer being girls.

Most Egyptian men, from what I have seen, actually would prefer to stay in Egypt. I mean really, with all the discrimination and unknowns, how wonderful is it for them anyway?!  Many of them leave their homes for the women, so they don't have to be away from their families and suffer from culture shock.  If the women were willing to live in Egypt, many of them would not leave, very happily.  He would have to work two jobs his entire life, but that is what they are raised to do, and honestly, most Egyptian men have an emotional need to do so.

Marrying a foreign woman is so much easier.  And in many cases, these men truly love their wives. They weren't used, they weren't cheated.  They were just easier to marry in a world that is so hard to live in already.  I know it can sound bad to some, like these foreign women are second best, but many Egyptian men DON'T WANT TO marry an Egyptian girl in the first place.  Would you want to marry someone is still ungrateful and wants more even after you give them everything you can?

Some marry purely for love, others marry because they prefer revert women as they are more pious, and still there are the men who take advantage of women.  Frankly, though, I am tired of hearing women bash Egyptian men because of some one sided story. This is the real reason the MAJORITY of Egyptian men who marry outside their own culture marry.

Rooz bil laban (rice with milk)/Egyptian Rice Pudding Recipe

Rooz bil laban (rice with milk) Egyptian Rice Pudding

A Recipe

In Ramadan we are always trying to find the best recipes to try during suhoor (morning meal before we start fasting).  I'm not so much about creativity as some; I'm more about nutrition and sustaining nutrition throughout the day.  

Not being able to eat for drink from before sunrise to sunset is not easy.  I don't think it was ever intended to be.  “[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving.” [1]  During Ramadan we gain great reward, inshallah, from our fasting; testing of our and Deen.  Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials."[2]

Even though we are tested, we should take measures to ensure our health while fasting in the Holy Month of Ramadan.  It is even more important in summer months when severe dehydration and other major health complications could occur. 

So, getting to my point; I am always looking for healthy recipes to add sustenance during suhoor.  Having foods that are high in fiber, filling, contain enough protein to provide you with energy all day long, and hold water are important.  My husband works outdoors all year long in the hot Egyptian sun and this puts him at risk for dehydration during Ramadan.  I was looking for a more filling alternative to yogurt, which we eat every suhoor to keep our water levels up (it’s an Egyptian thing and I honestly don’t know the medical benefit).  I decided to make rooz bil laban, or in English, rice with milk which is simply like rice pudding.  It is filling and the rice can hold a large amount of water; and since it digests rather slowly, that water is released throughout the day.  At least that’s my idea.  It makes sense.

So here, after lots of long babbling, is my recipe for rooz bil laban.

INGREDIENTS:

·         1 cup short grain rice

·         1⅔ cups water

·         2 cups milk

·         1 tsp vanilla powder

·         ¼ cup sugar

·         1 tsp cinnamon powder (optional)

DIRECTIONS:

1.      In a medium pot bring water to boil and add rice.  Cook on low heat for 10 minutes until rice begins to tender.

2.      Add remaining ingredients. 

3.      Stir often.

4.      Note: You may have to add a little more water from time to time if your rice isn’t softening fast enough.   It all depends upon your rice, pot material, and how low you can set your burner.

5.      Cook on lowest heat setting available until liquid has thickened and rice has become very soft and smooth (consistency similar to tapioca).

6.      Scoop into individual dishes and refrigerate for at least 2-3 hours.  

7.      ENJOY

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[1] Holy Qu'ran. In Surat Al-Mulk, 67:2. n.d.

[2] Al-Bukhari “Hadth 5.” In Book 75. n.d.