I was lost!!

I guess it is apparent that I haven't blogged in some time.  It is definitely not attributed to my lack of time, because time is something I am never lacking in lately.  I have become what irritates me the most.  A drama filled mess.  Yes, I let the drama get to me.

I have always advocated against women putting their marital or ex marital problems on Facebook, making a scene, and dragging others into their drama.  This is Facebook, not Jerry Springer. I have unfriended countless people for having to read their drama day in and day out.

Up until about two weeks ago, I have always thought of myself as the happy-go-luck, drama free type.  Yep we all have our problems, but ultimately, I believe in Allah's will and remained calm and patient.  I didn't let the things that bothered me effect those around me, let alone show anyone that things bothered me at all.  I guess part of me still believes that if you see me in pain I'm showing my weakness and that makes me vulnerable.

Well, I don't know what happened exactly.  For some reason I lost it.  Maybe it was just a stress overload, maybe it was just the process of events, or I just stopped caring...  The moment I found out my ex husband is using and selling my daughter's adderall prescription I lost all sense of reality.  

Since I have reverted to Islam my biological father's family has treated me like I am a plague.  It never really affected me personally.  I mean, this man is a pedophile who likes little girls and spent 23 years in prison because of it, and they blamed me for that when I was a child.  I was the reason he went to prison.  smh.  I have always been different from them.  They take too much pride in their alcohol and drug use, their racist and government conspiracy theories, and above all their gossip.  So, when I left my ex husband after 10 years of psychological and physical abuse it was no surprise when they supported the abuser and made him the victim.  Actually, I expected no less from them.

Somehow, the same day I found out about my daughter's medication, I let my Aunt Kathy get under my skin.  Her calling me a bad mother bothered me for the first time.  I don't know why.

And then I found out my mother's oldest sister Pat, who has had a history of being the family hypocrite and drama creater, was going behind my back and supporting my ex.  I again, expected no less from her.

So... In one day, I became engulfed in drama.  I gave in.  I spread that disease all over Facebook and became the ultimate hypocrite.  Became exactly what I am against.  Was completely lost in my anger, frustration, and sadness.  For exactly six days.  The drama occupied my mind 24/7.  It affected my prayer, my happiness, my sleep, and my sanity.

I came to realize alhamdulillah, after some thinking, that I was setting a bad example as a Muslim. Is THIS how I want my non-Muslim family and friends to see Islam?   Where was my calm, loving demeanor?  Where was my fearlessness and patience.  Where was my faith in Allah's plan?  

This is the time in my life where I let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it.  I am going to surround myself with people who make me laugh so hard that I forget about the bad and focus solely on the good.  Focus on being a good Muslim, a good wife, and a good mother.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  

When it feels like even the whole world is against you... Allah is with you!

Why is it that so many people live to please the world and the people in it?  The same people that judge, criticize, and ridicule us? The very same people that are there to celebrate our good times but leave us when things get tough?

You see, in recent times I’ve learned more than ever how much people place emphasis on what others will think, and not what is actually right.  Maybe I too was one of them, once upon a time. Living for the acceptance and approval of others; afraid of their disapproval, instead of doing what was right. But life has taught me there is nothing to be gained in this constant search of approval from a world of which the majority wants to see you fail and do what is wrong so that they have a new source of gossip and a new thing to complain about among their like-minded friends. If anything, life has taught me that the only approval I need to seek is that of the source from which we all come and to that which we will return: Allah (swt).

Things happen in life to test you. Yes,  it sounds so cliché, but it's true. Where you are lacking, Allah (swt) will provide to fill the gap. Where you are weak, He will provide to turn that particular weakness to strength. And when you are misguided, He will do what He will in His own way to bring you on the path back to Him. Trust me, I’ve been there, and every single day I experience more and more of these blessings that he bestows upon us to make us better people.

What we fail to see however, is that every little thing that happens in our livesIS a blessing. New lives come; this is a blessing. Yet older lives leave this world to continue on their journey, and leave us behind feeling pain, hurt and confusion, yet this too is a blessing. Friends betray us and family let us down – yet in all of this, Allah is teaching us and molding us into the people we are meant to be. Happiness is good for us, yet similarly also is sadness and pain. Anything that brings you remembrance of your Lord can be nothing short of a blessing, so remember every moment that you are blessed.

Whether you do good or bad, the people will talk. It doesn’t matter. As long asyou know where you came from, where you are and where you’re heading insha’Allah. How can living for the people be the right way? If you believe this, your pride and ego have consumed you and it’s a difficult journey overcoming this but it is one that is not impossible and has to be made.

Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an,
“Thus does Allah set a seal over the heart of every proud, haughty one.” (Surah Al-Momin, Verse 35)

You only truly realize the essence of this phrase when people choose their pride and ego above and beyond their own; whether joined by friendly ties or blood ties. We need to come to realize that others opinions of us really do not matter, especially if we know we are seeking only to do what is right.  As humans, our social respect and standing in the community means a hell of a lot; “what will so-and-so say?”, “what will so-and-so think?” and the like. But as Muslims, and people of God we really need to come to realise that in reality, these people will think and say things regardless of what we do.

Of course, I’m not saying live your life completely not giving a crap, but when it comes to doing what is right then go ahead and do it without regard to the thoughts of the people.
Using the example of the best of mankind, our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wsalaam). He came with a message which was completely strange to the people of the time, yet it was the right one.  Through all the abuse, the ridicule, the stones and rubbish that were thrown at him in the street and the curses that people hurled at him, he remained steadfast and continued on. He accepted that these people did not yet fully understand; what he was proposing was against everything they’d ever known. They gave him abuse, yet he prayed for them. The perfect example of what we should strive to be.

Using his exampl what we need to remember is that not one of us is or ever will be perfect. We all sin; yes, some more severely than others, but who are we to be the judge of that? We’re not God. We need to learn to accept each others' flaws, each others sins and each others' lives while of course striving to help each other become better people. We do not have the authority to sit here and say “Your sin is worse than mine” or “You’ll never be forgiven”, no. We are not the judges in life, there is only one Judge and we truly need to remember that. Our Prophet never judged, he never turned people away those that were in need of his help or advice. He accepted people for how they were, sins and all. He even went to the bedside of a dying woman to pray for her, although she had spent her days throwing rubbish at him in the street! What a remarkable, remarkable human being with pure light and love in his heart.

I for one know that I am not perfect. I for one know that I sin, every single day. But I also know that the only entity I truly ever need to appease is Allah. He is the One from whom I seek approval; He is the One from whom I beg forgiveness and He is the only One who will always, always be there. Not the people, no – only Allah (swt).

So remember, even when the world is against you, even when your friends and family turn their backs on you, even when it feels like your whole world is about to come crashing down around you, you’re never alone: Allah (swt) is always,always with you.

“…Bear with patience whatever befalls you….” (31:17)

“Be not sad, surely Allaah is with us.” (9:40)

“Verily, with hardship there is relief.” (94:6)

Love Yourself

Spontaneous tears

So I didn't get to talk to Ariana and Aurora today, but talked to them before school yesterday. Hopefully I get to talk to Alyssa today since I missed talking to her yesterday because the power was out at our normal time to talk and she was at school by the time it came back on.

I'm so tired of people thinking I'm heartless about my kids being in America and me being in Egypt. If you think that about me, obviously you don't know me at all, and should just keep your nose out of it.

Anyone who knows me will understand how those girls are my life, always were and always will be. Why did I stay married for 10 years? Not for fun. LOL I didn't like getting beaten by a drunk all the time, treated like shit, and being broke. No, I tried to keep our family together for the girls.

When I sit here and cry just because my ex messages me and tells me Alyssa looks so cute curled up on the bed, and I close my eyes and imagine her snuggling me, her soft blonde hair, her cute innocent blue eyes... Its torture. Anyone who thinks I don't care or love them is just plain and simply... STUPID.

The Adventure of baking chocolate chip cookies in Egypt-Recipe Included

Introducing Wael to chocolate chip cookies from the grocery store the beginning of the month was asking for trouble.  LOL  First bite and he looks at me and asks, "Can you make these?"

Well of course I can.  I mean, they're so much better homemade than processed anyway.  Little did I know the challenge it would actually be.

The search for ingredients began.

First, baking soda... Which we could not find in Port Said or Port Fouad.  Maybe possible in Cairo but that's a 3+ hour drive.  With a little online searching, 1 tsp baking soda is equivalent to 4 tsp. baking powder.  Problem solved.





Next was the search for brown sugar.  No one even heard of this.  Wael's mother brought me some "brown" sugar.  These cute little sugar packets, about 20 of them, which might equal 1/4 cup if I'm lucky.

It was just... Sugar colored brown.  So the next step was then to find out how to substitute brown sugar.  Well thanks to the wonderful world of Google I learned that brown sugar is just regular white sugar with molasses.  Alhamdulillah! 1 cup white sugar with 1/4 cup molasses for dark brown sugar.  Ok. That will work.






Chocolate chips.  Really?  No chocolate chips.  Ok I was utterly thrown by this, but it wasn't really a problem.  We would have chocolate chunk cookies.  I would chop baking chocolate.

So... After all the ingredients were collected we started.

First problem.   Chopping chocolate with a steak knife.  Wael's mama does not believe in kitchen technology.  So I ended up using a standard, flimsy,  serrated steak knife to chop 1/2 kilo of 6cm thick baking chocolate.  It took about 15 minutes but I ended up with my 4 cups of chopped chocolate.





 Next issue... The only mixer was from the 1970s and had only one beater...  How am I going to cream the butter and sugars?  Wael, who has always been really great about helping me in the kitchen, decided to try the food processor.  I was willing to try anything and not willing to argue.  Did Not work-end of story.  Well, I just ended up hand mixing it until it creamed.  Fun.  LOL

Baking powder was 8 packets (we made a double batch of cookies).  Four packets of vanilla powder.  Added Eggs and flower.  And finally chopped chocolate.  Looked like cookie dough.  Tasted like cookie dough with a slight molasses taste...

Now for the final test.  Would they bake the same?  Taste the same or like molasses chocolate chunk cookies?

They turned out amazing.  Same great classic taste. Alhamdulillah!








Here is my recipe for Egyptian Chocolate Chunk Cookies

7 cups (coffee cups work well) or 3/4 kg all purpose flour
1/2 kg butter, softened
4 cups sugar
1/2 cup molasses
2 eggs
4 teaspoons of dried vanilla powder
8 teaspoons of baking soda
1/2 kg baking chocolate

1. Chop chocolate into small 1-2 cm chunks.  This will take some time.  I recommend a LARGE serrated knife. Please use safety measures to keep your fingers.  Preheat oven to 175°C (350°F).

2. Mix 2 cups sugar with 1/2 cup molasses.  This step is really not necessary but its fun, right?

3. Cream together butter and sugar (and molasses if you skipped step 2) until smooth.  Add eggs, baking powder, and vanilla.  Stir in flour slowly.  Finally stir in chocolate chunks. 

4. Drop by large spoonfuls onto metal serving trays or baking sheets.  Whatever you have available.

5. Bake for 10 minutes in preheated oven or until edges are golden brown.

Are Muslim Women Oppressed? Part 2-Modest Clothing

People often fail to distinguish between culture and religion, two completely different things.  They are focusing so hard on how Muslim women are oppressed, specifically because of how women in Afghanistan are treated. When the media shows how Muslim women in Afghanistan are treated people automatically connect three words in their minds; 'Islam,' 'Women,' and 'Oppression'.  

Often enough Westerners and more specifically Americans believe that the oppression of Muslim women goes beyond hijab and that her modest dress is believed to be a sign of oppression.

When people see a covered Muslim women the think oppression, and they are actually wrong.  A Muslim woman is not oppressed, but she is liberated.  She no longer is valued for something as material like her looks or the shape of her body.  By covering these things she is makes it necessary for others to judge her according to her intelligence, honesty, kindness, and personality-judging her for who she is not what she looks like.

Lets us discuss the idea of what makes a style of dress oppressive.  Oppression is restriction.  Restriction can refer to movement, mentality, and for work.

So restriction of movement when it comes to clothing.  Have you ever worn a mini-skirt?  Tight tank top,  skinny jeans?  These are NOT comfortable.  Why should you sacrifice comfort for beauty?  Now try wearing an abaya, a loose fitting dress worn by many Muslim women.  The loose fit allows for air flow during hot days, layers during cold days, along with ease of movement. 

Second we will look at mental oppression.  When we thing of how clothing oppresses us mentally, we can look at how clothing makes us feel.  Maybe it is the difference of opinion but I do not feel good having people stare at me.  I feel like an object.  I am much more than boobs and an ass, much more than my hair style and the shape of my body.

In high school so many kids are scrutinized because of clothing.  It defines which 'groups' they belong to.  Like what you wear defines you as a person.  Didn't you ever notice that the girls who dressed least modestly were the most popular girls while the girls with the most intelligence and often times the best ideas, most originality, and personable were the geeks.
It's just how Western society works. 

So, if we want to talk about liberating women mentally, wouldn't it be smart to remove the barriers?  Very few women are going to look like the supermodels in magazines, which effects their self-esteem.  If you have low self esteem you are less likely to reach your full potential.  Sounds a lot like clothing can be very oppressive.

But if I forget about what society wants and submit myself to God, dressing in a way that reflects my respect for him, and myself...  You can feel good.  You can feel freedom.  Freedom from the social oppression.  Freedom from the unwanted gazes of immature men who can not control their sexual obsession.

And finally, when we think about clothing restrictions and work...  I'm sorry, I do not want to be hired because I have a nice body.  Again, objectified by men.  Where is your freedom?  Furthermore, having to have multiple wardrobes, because obviously you can't wear that tube top and mini skirt to the office, or most jobs for a matter of fact-can be downright expensive.  I can wear my abaya anywhere.  To any job.  I can work anywhere in a dress or skirt.  In pants and a modest top.

Society tells us we are oppressed by the way we dress, but maybe they are just to blinded by their own oppression to free themselves from the grip society has on them.  Get a clue!  

Are Muslim Women Oppressed? Part 1- Hijab

I am writing this in hopes it will reach just one person.  I know that most of the time, no matter what I say, I will never be able to convince the world that Muslim women are not oppressed by Islam.  The moment someone sees my hijab (head-scarf) they automatically think I am oppressed. "What woman would put religion before material pursuits?" "Only an oppressed woman would be forced to cover herself." 

But sadly enough, I know this isn't the thought for all religions. Western society readily accepts head-coverings in many different religions.  In Christianity, when a nun covers herself and devotes herself to God she is respected.  No one questions this as her choice.  She has the right to be a nun and no once considers her oppressed.  

Actually, in Christianity, the sight of a veiled woman is no unfamiliar sight.  For Catholics; images, statues, and depictions of the Virgin Mary (known as Maryam in Islam) show her wearing hijab.  Can you honestly say you have ever seen a picture of herwithout hijab? Do they believe she was oppressed wearing hijab? 

What does Christianity exactly say regarding women wearing veils/head-coverings?  

 

“In obedience to Sacred Scripture, many Catholic women wear some kind of veil or head-covering. Some wear a head-covering only at Mass. Others feel called to wear a head-covering at other times during the day, as well as at Mass. Many non-Catholic Christian women also wear a head-covering.

These women are following the call of the Holy Spirit. Society discourages women from wearing a head-covering and from doing anything else which shows submissiveness and obedience. Yet these women have found the light of truth in the midst of dark times.

The moral law requires all women to wear the veil on their hearts. A woman should not wear the veil on her head, until she is wearing it first on her heart. A woman who wears the veil on her heart accepts the place that God gives to women in the Church, the family, and society. Women who wear the veil on their hearts are imitating the Virgin Mary in her humility, submissiveness, and obedience to Christ. The veil should cover her head, but not her face. It is first and foremost symbolic of humility, submissiveness and obedience.” (Conte Jr. 2011)

Modern Day Catholic women wearing mantilla at Mass.

I Corinthians 11:5-6

     " But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head; it is the same as having her head shaved.  For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head."

Up until the American revolt against religion in the 1980's Christian head-coverings were very common among Catholics, Protestants, and several other Christian groups.

In Judaism, many women believe in wearing veils.  There are many reasons Jewish women cover their hair.  Jewish women cover their hair for the same reasons as Muslim women-modesty (or tzniut). According to the Torah, the priest uncovers or unbraids the accused woman's hair as part of the humiliation that precedes the ceremony (Numbers 5:18).

Jewish Veil

Elsewhere in the Talmud (Berakhot 24a), the rabbis define hair as sexually erotic (ervah), and prohibit men from praying in sight of a woman's hair. The rabbis base this estimation on a biblical verse: "Your hair is like a flock of goats" (Song of Songs 4:1), suggesting that this praise reflects the sensual nature of hair.  Thus it is believed that the hair should be covered and saved especially for the husbands.

Around the world women today still practice wearing veils, or head-coverings for religious reasons.  Why is it that only the Muslim women are considered to be oppressed?  How is it that Western society feels that we have no choice in the matter.  God has commanded us to modesty just as other religions feel they have been commanded to do so.

Here in Egypt there are many women wearing different levels of hijab, and many women who chose not to.  This is ultimately their choice.  This choice is between them and God.  No one is going to force them to wear it if they chose not to.  It is a woman's devotion to God that brings her toward wearing hijab.

If we are to speak about women's rights.  Western feminists will argue that by covering your body you are submitting to the orders of men and we should be proud of our body.  They believe that Islam is suppressing our sexuality.

This is simply not true.  It is just channeling our sexuality through appropriate paths.  Family, marriage, stability.  This secures a woman's mental and physical health.  It build a bond between husband and wife, a bond that hasn't been shared by millions of men across a country.

Western women, including said feminists, are still objectified by the primal sexual needs of men.  By uncovering themselves they are making themselves an object of man's sexual desire, not a woman of character with a brain and emotions.

Women in Islam are regarded to be more precious than and gold, metal, or gem.  Their beauty is protected.  And they themselves protect their beauty from the outside world.

Understand that wearing a veil is a choice, whether you're Christian, Jewish, or Muslim.  Every day when I dress to walk outside I chose to cover my beauty for God.  And, more importantly, when you choose to dress in your own miniskirt and low cut top realize how you are going to feel as you age, when your beauty is not what it used to be.  When gravity takes hold of your skin and places you once showed off to the world.  How will you feel dressed in these clothes?  How will your society look at you?  And how is God looking at you as you put worldly desires before him. You will struggle to look younger, struggle with self esteem, and struggle for male attention-now who is oppressed?