I was lost!!

I guess it is apparent that I haven't blogged in some time.  It is definitely not attributed to my lack of time, because time is something I am never lacking in lately.  I have become what irritates me the most.  A drama filled mess.  Yes, I let the drama get to me.

I have always advocated against women putting their marital or ex marital problems on Facebook, making a scene, and dragging others into their drama.  This is Facebook, not Jerry Springer. I have unfriended countless people for having to read their drama day in and day out.

Up until about two weeks ago, I have always thought of myself as the happy-go-luck, drama free type.  Yep we all have our problems, but ultimately, I believe in Allah's will and remained calm and patient.  I didn't let the things that bothered me effect those around me, let alone show anyone that things bothered me at all.  I guess part of me still believes that if you see me in pain I'm showing my weakness and that makes me vulnerable.

Well, I don't know what happened exactly.  For some reason I lost it.  Maybe it was just a stress overload, maybe it was just the process of events, or I just stopped caring...  The moment I found out my ex husband is using and selling my daughter's adderall prescription I lost all sense of reality.  

Since I have reverted to Islam my biological father's family has treated me like I am a plague.  It never really affected me personally.  I mean, this man is a pedophile who likes little girls and spent 23 years in prison because of it, and they blamed me for that when I was a child.  I was the reason he went to prison.  smh.  I have always been different from them.  They take too much pride in their alcohol and drug use, their racist and government conspiracy theories, and above all their gossip.  So, when I left my ex husband after 10 years of psychological and physical abuse it was no surprise when they supported the abuser and made him the victim.  Actually, I expected no less from them.

Somehow, the same day I found out about my daughter's medication, I let my Aunt Kathy get under my skin.  Her calling me a bad mother bothered me for the first time.  I don't know why.

And then I found out my mother's oldest sister Pat, who has had a history of being the family hypocrite and drama creater, was going behind my back and supporting my ex.  I again, expected no less from her.

So... In one day, I became engulfed in drama.  I gave in.  I spread that disease all over Facebook and became the ultimate hypocrite.  Became exactly what I am against.  Was completely lost in my anger, frustration, and sadness.  For exactly six days.  The drama occupied my mind 24/7.  It affected my prayer, my happiness, my sleep, and my sanity.

I came to realize alhamdulillah, after some thinking, that I was setting a bad example as a Muslim. Is THIS how I want my non-Muslim family and friends to see Islam?   Where was my calm, loving demeanor?  Where was my fearlessness and patience.  Where was my faith in Allah's plan?  

This is the time in my life where I let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it.  I am going to surround myself with people who make me laugh so hard that I forget about the bad and focus solely on the good.  Focus on being a good Muslim, a good wife, and a good mother.  Life is too short to be unhappy.