Muslim Revert Survival Skills: Part 3 "The big M"

As Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. Most of us have heard the Hadith, ‘Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the deen; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half,"’ (At-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik).  This has a lot of women believing that as soon as they become Muslim they need to jump right on the marriage train.  This is not the case and can ultimately cause only pain and hardship for someone new to Islam if approached too quickly.  

1.      Avoid Marriage!  Yes, you read correctly.  This is especially for women.  You should avoid marriage for at least a year, possibly two, until you have a firm understanding of Islam and a firm place in the community.  Don’t worry; there will still be plenty of Muslim men out there for you.  The problem with marrying right away is that there are Muslim men who particularly prey on new Muslim women in order to shape them into whatever they want by twisting Islam to their own personal benefit.  By shaping a woman to be what he wants her to be. 

      Also, understand that if you are new to Islam and getting married to a Muslim man who is not within your own culture there will be cultural differences you will have to learn and adjust to while you are learning and adjusting to life as an individual new to Islam.  This can make life very stressful; damage your marriage, and your belief in Islam.  

      I have heard many the story of women who either become Muslim for a man or find a man shortly after becoming Muslim. The man may become abusive, may cheat on her, or commit a range of sins.  Or simply they cannot handle the cultural differences between them.  They divorce and the woman ultimately leaves Islam blaming Islam for their marital problems.  

      Now I must note that not all circumstances are the same, not all Muslim men want to marry a woman new to Islam to take advantage of her and her ignorance.  There are men who want to marry women new to Islam because ultimately they have MORE knowledge in Islam and practice Islam more than many of the girls in their native countries. Some men marry a woman simply because he may love her.  You can't judge everyone by the actions of a few.

     That being said, it is still safe to say that holding off on finding a spouse for the first year or so of being Muslim will ultimately be beneficial.  Spend more time with God, form a strong bond with Him before forming a relationship with anyone else.