Muslim Revert Survival Skills: Part 3 "The big M"

As Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. Most of us have heard the Hadith, ‘Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the deen; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half,"’ (At-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik).  This has a lot of women believing that as soon as they become Muslim they need to jump right on the marriage train.  This is not the case and can ultimately cause only pain and hardship for someone new to Islam if approached too quickly.  

1.      Avoid Marriage!  Yes, you read correctly.  This is especially for women.  You should avoid marriage for at least a year, possibly two, until you have a firm understanding of Islam and a firm place in the community.  Don’t worry; there will still be plenty of Muslim men out there for you.  The problem with marrying right away is that there are Muslim men who particularly prey on new Muslim women in order to shape them into whatever they want by twisting Islam to their own personal benefit.  By shaping a woman to be what he wants her to be. 

      Also, understand that if you are new to Islam and getting married to a Muslim man who is not within your own culture there will be cultural differences you will have to learn and adjust to while you are learning and adjusting to life as an individual new to Islam.  This can make life very stressful; damage your marriage, and your belief in Islam.  

      I have heard many the story of women who either become Muslim for a man or find a man shortly after becoming Muslim. The man may become abusive, may cheat on her, or commit a range of sins.  Or simply they cannot handle the cultural differences between them.  They divorce and the woman ultimately leaves Islam blaming Islam for their marital problems.  

      Now I must note that not all circumstances are the same, not all Muslim men want to marry a woman new to Islam to take advantage of her and her ignorance.  There are men who want to marry women new to Islam because ultimately they have MORE knowledge in Islam and practice Islam more than many of the girls in their native countries. Some men marry a woman simply because he may love her.  You can't judge everyone by the actions of a few.

     That being said, it is still safe to say that holding off on finding a spouse for the first year or so of being Muslim will ultimately be beneficial.  Spend more time with God, form a strong bond with Him before forming a relationship with anyone else. 

Muslim Revert Survival Skills: Part 2 Learn from appropriate places and people!

In the last post we talked about the difficulty an individual who is new to Islam may have when trying to learn everything at once.  I am thankful that early on I spoke to an Imam who told me very point blank not to try and change everything at once.  This is something that I believed really helped me out. 

            Another thing that helped me out was realizing early on that other individuals who were relatively new to Islam and even those who have been Muslim their entire life don’t know everything about Islam.  Yes, this is very true.  People’s beliefs are influenced by a lot of things, things they may not even realize.  Beliefs are influenced by one’s environment, culture, traditions, social status, and upbringing to name a few.  This means that there are a lot of different ideas about Islam.  This can be very confusing, especially if you don’t know where to find the answers. So, that brings us to part two of this series:

Image from: halalhumor.tumblr.com

1.      Learn from appropriate places and people!  I think this is also a very important message. One of my favorite sayings is, “Islam is perfect but Muslims are not.”  I think this is an important lesson for anyone new to Islam.  I suggest NOT asking other Muslims for advice unless he or she is a knowledgeable scholar. There are different schools of thought (fiqh) in Islam.  In Sunni Islam there are Wahabis, Salafis, Malikis, Hanafis and Shafi’is.  While they all believe in the same basic principles they do differ on subjects such as inheritance, marriage, and the exact steps in prayer.  There are also Sufis and Shias which have different beliefs than Sunnis. 

This can all be quite confusing for the individual new to Islam.  One person may tell you to pray one way while another will bicker and say they are wrong and tell you to pray another way.  Someone may say you have to have a wali at your wedding while others may say you don’t.  How do you know which way is correct?  This is why I suggest going to a sheikh, Imam, or Islamic scholar for advice. 

The truth is, even people born into Islam don’t know everything.  I once heard a story about one of my husband’s friends who said if you touch a dog you have to bathe 7 times, and one of them with sand.  This is absolutely ridiculous and completely false, but he insisted it was the right way.

There are also a lot of books on Islam, many of which you can get for free.  Islamic Books for Free is a website that offers a wide variety of free publications on Islam, on various topics.  There is also a chat section where a scholar attempts to answer your questions.  One last thing on this topic… Please, please, do not rely on Google to answer your questions about Islam.  You’re better talking to other Muslims than asking Google religious advice.

Muslim Revert Survival Skills: Part 1 Take it Slow

First of all, this word 'revert' is a pain in the rump.  In my opinion, it is a separatist word, making it as if new Muslims are different somehow to those who were born and raised in Islam.  I have never liked being called a 'revert' or a 'new Muslim' because it seemed somehow demeaning by those who said it.  Like my status in Islam was somehow less significant than those who were born into Islam. Like I was a plague or disease to be avoided, like I would somehow cause problems in the Ummah or steal away all the good Muslim men.

I have been a Muslim for five years now, give or take a few months.  Though I feel like I have been a Muslim my entire life.  My beliefs have never once changed, instead, I was amazed to find that Islam matched my beliefs completely.

When I took shahada I felt a weight lifted off my soul, I found that I had no one to please but God.  I found my own way and saw that there were difficult roads ahead.   The truth is, for a person who converts to Islam the road is not easy at first, especially for those growing up in Western Culture.  It is no secret that Western Culture often clashes with the obligations sent down in Hadith and Quran. Adjusting to life as a Muslim takes time, patience, and a lot of prayer.

I am hoping that this guide will help alleviate some of the pressure on those who are new to Islam, help them to have the strength to continue on, and serve as map along those bumpy roads. Inshallah.

1. Take it slow!  I cannot stress this enough.  Becoming a Muslim is much different than a Catholic becoming a Lutheran.  It involves an entire life-style change.  But Islam is not supposed to be difficult.  Even in Quran, God sent down messages in stages to encourage change slowly.  An excellent example of this is the prohibition of alcohol.  In the time of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ people drank a lot of alcohol.  As we know, alcohol is now prohibited by Muslims - so did God command people just give it up all at once?  No, he sent down three different messages in stages to command people to give up alcohol.  The purpose, I would imagine, was to avoid making it too difficult on people that they decided to leave Islam. I have seen this happen to enough people in five years.  They jump in head first, trying to go from newborn Muslim to sheikh (or sheikha) in a day.  The result is people become burned out, stressed, and lose interest in Islam.  They find conflicts, bumps in the road, and even u-turns. It's like they've literally tried to cram an entire lifetime of learning into a tiny period of time. This is dangerous for the psyche.  My advice? Take your time and take it one step at a time. If you are a woman, start by dressing more modestly.  You don't have to jump strait into hijab and abaya.  Take your time to adjust yourself and when you're comfortable with hijab, that's when it will be easiest for you to wear it - and that time is different for everyone.  Remember, you should be doing this to please God and no one else. Do your best to keep halal, that's what matters.  That you're trying.  It is between you and God. 

Cloth diapering in Egypt

As an experienced mother of three, I can honestly say I despise disposable diapers.  All three of my daughters experienced allergic reactions to disposable diapers and we could only use generic brands which did not withstand leaks. Disposable diapers are one of the things parents will spend thousands of dollars on, money that is basically just thrown away.  I was determined that if I ever had another child I would never use disposable diapers again.

Many parents have chosen to cloth diaper their children for various reasons; whether those be allergy, contribution to the ever growing landfill, the chemicals in diapers, the waste of money... Whatever the reason, it is completely a personal choice and one I completely respect.

One of the things I have looked into since Wael and I started trying to have a baby (the natural way) and now even more so since we're hoping to adopt, is the availability of quality cloth diapers in Egypt.  Most cloth diaper users in Egypt are still using diapers similar to pre-folds (simple cloth and pin together diapers).  These need plastic diaper covers as they are not very absorbent and are not the best for traveling.  They are the cheapest, simple to make, simple to use, and the most available in Egypt.  A mother can make her own prefolds easily out of old t-shirts, thick cotton fabric, and even old towels and burp clothes.

Prefold Diapers come in Several Sizes

While I am ok with using prefolds at home when the baby is awake or as a diaper insert,  I prefer to use all-in-one or pocket diapers when baby is sleeping or when we leave the apartment.  All-in-one diapers are just that.  An absorbent inner layer with a protective outer layer (waterproof made of PUL fabric).   Pocket diapers are very similar except they have a pocket where you stuff an insert (or inserts) which determines your absorbency level. These can be a bit messy because certain brands and styles of pocket diapers require you 'unstuff' them before washing (ewwww!).

My favorite pocket diapers that I have read about would be by bumgenius (link here for US customers: http://www.bumgenius.com).  They have both all-in-one and pocket diapers. Unfortunately they do not ship internationally and are only available in select international locations. While searching their available list of international retailers I noticed a retailer in UAE but that was the closest location to Egypt and the cost of shipping would be outrageous.

Pocket Diaper

A simple Google searched brought up promising results.  I searched for "cloth nappies Egypt" and the top result was for an online retailer in Hurghada called Kuffula.  They have the bumgenius 4.0 pocket diapers for 125 ج  which is about $14.  They also have all in 1 diapers from bumgenius, the bumgenius organic for 150 ج as well as other all in ones from Itty Bitty D'lish, Imse Vimse, and Eco bum.  Taking into consideration that one disposable diaper in Egypt costs between 2-5 ج these are very descent prices.

You can visit the Kuffula website here: http://kaffula.com/

After about a week of searching in English and Arabic this is the only site I have found and the only reference to cloth diapers or cloth nappies in Egypt.  I am sure there might be a shop or two in bigger cities such as Cairo or Alexandria but I am not familiar with any and neither are any of the people I have spoken to.  If any of you mommies in Egypt are aware of any, please feel free to leave me the name of the shop (with location and phone number if possible) in the comments.