Advice to New Muslims..

One of the things that has been bothering me lately is the amount of 'advise' being offered to new Muslims.  Advice coming from those  born into Islam and other reverts,  some of whom are new reverts themselves.

I have been Muslim for almost 2 years now, Alhamdulillah. When I took shahada I had already took it upon myself to make it an informed decision and educate myself on the basic principals, beliefs, and practices in Islam.  This way I knew what I was getting myself into.

This, for whatever reason, is not the case for many reverts.  And by no means am I trying to deter any one from entering Islam. Whenever you are ready, and whenever God wills it, please-by all means do so.

When a person reverts to Islam, specifically a new Muslim woman, I have seen them offered a lot of 'support'.  I think it is great to give them a feeling of companionship, Ummah.  Often times these women are going against the beliefs of their family and friends, and have little support systems.  During these vulnerable times, while they are still learning, they most definitely need support.

But what does that mean?  Support?  Does it mean we correct them on everything they do?  Does it mean we flood them with knowledge?

I see a lot of women joining 'Sisters' Facebook pages.  These pages, from my own personal experiences, often offer these women many conflicting incorrect advice and criticism.  By confusing these women we are only going to overwhelm them.

An example of this is Niqab.  Many women are forced to believe that women should wear Niqab and it is a personal weakness and haram not to.  There is NO Surat or Ayah in the Holy Quran that states Niqab is mandatory.  Hijab is necessary though, no excuses.

Surah an-Nur ayah 31 says:

وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا ۖ وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ ۖ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَائِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَائِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي أَخَوَاتِهِنَّ أَوْ نِسَائِهِنَّ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُنَّ أَوِ التَّابِعِينَ غَيْرِ أُولِي الْإِرْبَةِ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ أَوِ الطِّفْلِ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يَظْهَرُوا عَلَىٰ عَوْرَاتِ النِّسَاءِ ۖ وَلَا يَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعْلَمَ مَا يُخْفِينَ مِن زِينَتِهِنَّ ۚ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ

"And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their beauty except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms (jaybs), and not to display their beauty except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn in repentance to Allah together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful"

The Prophet (Sal Allahu Allahi Wa Salam) explained to Asma bint Abu Bakr (rAa) that the phrase "what is apparent of it" refers to the face and hands. This is narrated by
Aisha Umm al-Muminin (rAa), Qatada (rAa), and Asma bint Umais (rAa).

Another problem women face is criticism for not wearing Abaya or skirts.  There is no defined "Islamic Dress Code".  Again if we see the above Ayah, women should cover their body except their face and hands.  They should cover their bosoms, and conceal the shapes of their bodies.  So-no tight clothing.  Find me one Ayah or Hadith that states a woman can not wear jeans.

Someone once told me women can not wear the clothing of men.  Ok.  Please show me where this is defined in the Holy Quran or by the Prophet (Sal Allahu Allahi Wa Salam).  If women can not wear jeans, is it then therefore equal to assume men can not wear Abaya or throbes?  But no one will argue that is not haram.  

My point in this being that there is a lot of bad advice going around to new Muslims.  How people come upon these misguided ideas are part of culture and also partly due to the increase of 'Internet Sheikhs'.  Many people believe that just because someone wears white, has a beard, and calls himself Sheikh he is qualified.  Please do your homework.  And do not take the word of just one Sheikh.  People are only that, people.  Mistakes and misinterpretations happen.  People interpret things based on bias and cultural beliefs as well.  Trying to find a combined consensus of Sheikhs is wiser than using the belief and interpretation of just one Sheikh.

Before we offer advise to a new Muslim, it is wise to find rulings, Ayahs, and Hadiths supporting this advise.  If we can not find them, it is safe to say we do not have the appropriate knowledge to offer advice to this individual on this particular subject.

Back when I was very new to Islam I went to the Imam at our local masjid with questions.  I was a smoker,  didn't know everything I wanted to, and wanted to know everything-do everything now.  He offered me some great advice I'd like to share.

"When you become Muslim you are like a newborn baby.  No one expects a newborn Muslim to know everything at once or do everything right the first time.  God understands and Islam is not supposed to be hard.  Take your time, learn at your own pace, and most importantly don't overwhelm yourself.  If you do you will burn yourself out and lose interest in learning. No one can go from newborn to College grad in even 5 years. Take small steps and do your best."

My husband also explained this to me.  Back in the time of the Prophet (Sal Allahu Allahi Wa Salam) Muslims drank wine-yes alcohol.  Allah did not send down all his laws at one time.  The Quran was sent down over a period of 23 years.  There is a reason for this.  This is to teach us people gradually change, not just over night.  

Surah 2:219 

يَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْخَمْرِ وَالْمَيْسِرِ ۖ قُلْ فِيهِمَا إِثْمٌ كَبِيرٌ وَمَنَافِعُ لِلنَّاسِ وَإِثْمُهُمَا أَكْبَرُ مِن نَّفْعِهِمَا ۗ وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ مَاذَا يُنفِقُونَ قُلِ الْعَفْوَ ۗ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمُ الْآيَاتِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَفَكَّرُونَ 

     "They ask you about intoxicants and games of chance. Say: In both of them there is a        great sin and means of profit for men, and their sin is greater than their profit. And they ask you as to what they should spend. Say: What you can spare. Thus does Allah make clear to you the communications, that you may ponder."

Surah 4:43

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَقْرَبُوا الصَّلَاةَ وَأَنتُمْ سُكَارَىٰ حَتَّىٰ تَعْلَمُوا مَا تَقُولُونَ وَلَا جُنُبًا إِلَّا عَابِرِي سَبِيلٍ حَتَّىٰ تَغْتَسِلُوا ۚ وَإِن كُنتُم مَّرْضَىٰ أَوْ عَلَىٰ سَفَرٍ أَوْ جَاءَ أَحَدٌ مِّنكُم مِّنَ الْغَائِطِ أَوْ لَامَسْتُمُ النِّسَاءَ فَلَمْ تَجِدُوا مَاءً فَتَيَمَّمُوا صَعِيدًا طَيِّبًا فَامْسَحُوا بِوُجُوهِكُمْ وَأَيْدِيكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَفُوًّا غَفُورًا 

     "O you who have believed, do not approach prayer while you are intoxicated until you know what you are saying or in a state of janabah, except those passing through [a place of prayer], until you have washed [your whole body]. And if you are ill or on a journey or one of you comes from the place of relieving himself or you have contacted women and find no water, then seek clean earth and wipe over your faces and your hands [with it]. Indeed, Allah is ever Pardoning and Forgiving......" 

Surah 5:90

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِنَّمَا الْخَمْرُ وَالْمَيْسِرُ وَالْأَنصَابُ وَالْأَزْلَامُ رِجْسٌ مِّنْ عَمَلِ الشَّيْطَانِ فَاجْتَنِبُوهُ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ

     "O you who have believed, indeed, intoxicants, gambling, [sacrificing on] stone alters [to other than Allah ], and divining arrows are but defilement from the work of Satan, so avoid it that you may be successful."

Drinking was part of the lives of people at this time and Allah in his divine wisdom had them quit drinking gradually.  This was Allah's plan the whole time.  But if Allah were to completely prohibit drinking all at once, it would have been quite difficult for them to abide by this law right away, possibly pushing some of them away from Islam.  This simply shows Allah's mercy and consideration in difficult times.

My point being, maybe this is an example we can all live by.  Have mercy and compassion for our newly reverted brothers and sisters.  Do not try to overwhelm them and pressure them.  Support them emotionally, give them knowledge based advise-when asked for, try to keep our opinions to ourselves, and point them to knowledgeable and accurate information.