Do I hate America because I'm Muslim?

I don't hate America.

I do hate many of its foreign policies.

I do not like many of its allies (I even hate a few).

I don't like most of the politicians, especially in Wisconsin.

I don't like a lot of what the culture has become, I mean, who can be proud to say we come from the country that has the world's highest teen pregnancy rate (and even has a reality tv show to glorify it), one of the world's highest rape rates, and the highest rate of child molesters in the world.

I don't like how little respect America shows to the rest of the world.

I don't like how the American military has just become mercenaries.

I don't like how we give one country money for weapons to kill another country, but blame everyone else when people hate America.

I don't like the health care system, how a quality education has become something we dream of, how even going to college doesn't mean you will ever find a job.

I don't like a lot of things.

But not everyone can love everything, right?

I do vote.  I do pay taxes.  I owned and operated a small business for many years.

I go to college.

I love the diversity of America.

I love small towns.

I love that I have the right to believe in what I want, say what I want, wear what I want, and be who I want.

I love that I have the right to dislike my government and say so without being targeted.

The problem is, no matter what I say and what I do I will never be 100% free in my country.  I don't have the right to say what I want, believe what I want, wear what I want without being discriminated against.  I can't voice my disapproval or people think I hate Americans. Fred can say it, Bob can say it, Mary can say it.

If José or Ahmed were to say it people would say, they should go back to their country.

What a crock of shit!  I'm sorry but if you can't trace your ancestry back to the Native Americans, shut the hell up. If people are here legally, work, vote, pay taxes they have a right to an opinion just like everyone else, even if it is not what you want to hear.

Just because I'm Muslim and disapprove of some or even most of my countries policies doesn't make me a terrorist or an American hater. Actually, I had all of my political opinions before I was Muslim.

People need to stop the labeling.  Stop the hate.  Grow the heck up.

I don't hate America.  And none of you would think I did if walked around without my headscarf, used my birth name (Stephanie Something-or-another), and was not Muslim.  You probably wouldn't even notice.

For most of you who read this, you found this because, well the words hate, America, and Muslim draw in a pretty big crowd.  Curiosity?  Another reason to spread hate against Muslims?

Well sorry to disappoint you.

I'm Back Home

So I am finally back in Egypt.

It was a long and terrible experience to be away from my husband. When I think of the pain I felt for those five long months it still brings tears to my eyes.  While I had many triumphs, it wasn't without a lot of pain and suffering along the way.  But, Alhamdulillah, I made it and we are back together again.

Leaving the United States is always bitter sweet.  I miss my girls.  I miss my family.  I miss my friends.  I miss familiarity.  I miss work.  I do not miss the ridicule I get for being Muslim, I don't miss the constant stupid questions or religious lectures about accepting Jesus as my savior.  I do not miss the lack in halal food or the freakin' Wisconsin cold.

But, again, any time I have to leave my girls is hard.  At least this time they know that everyone lied to them last time.  Mom came back.  And inshallah I will be back even sooner this time.

Leaving work was really hard.  I was well liked, respected, and good at my job.  I have never had a place of employment give me a guilt trip about leaving before.  The last two weeks after giving my notice was hell.  My team lead went on to convince me every day that it wasn't fair to me to have to leave, it wasn't fair to the team, and therefor I needed to stay.

Time before I left seemed to crawl.  28 days ahead of time I knew I was leaving.  And that first 14 days went so slow.  Then from day 14-7 even slower.  The last seven days were like hell.  Finally Friday, March 6th was my last day at work and at the end of the night I knew it was only until Monday morning until I left.  It started getting real.  And I still had so much to do.

What to bring to Egypt (I will elaborate on this in another post) that I didn't have before is a big one. There were so many things last time that I wish I had brought.  And no, an oven thermometer isn't one of them.  Now a bigger factor comes into play.  What to bring to Egypt when you have a 2 bag, 50 pound per bag limit.  A lot of picking and choosing between what's important and what isn't.  And that includes clothes.

Honestly, another whole bag wouldn't have made my life any easier.  If you're anything like me, you'll understand when I say that it only would have complicated things further.

I had to gather documents, spend time with my girls (which was all day Saturday), spend time with my mom (which went longer than expected and ended up being almost all day Sunday), and still do laundry, pack, repack, check, and double check.

Monday morning was hectic.  I had to get up at 5AM so I could talk to Wael before I showered.  I had to leave by 6:30 so I could gas up the rental car, stop at Walmart and cash my check I forgot to bring to cash Sunday, get breakfast, and drive to the rental car place all the way on the South Side.

Of course Monday morning Beltline traffic sucked.  Bumper to bumper for 6 miles past Monona Drive. 

I arrived at the Enterprise Rental Center at almost 8AM.  My bus was scheduled to arrive at 8:30.  I was sweating hoping to make the bus on time.  But alhamdulillah, I was early.

Actually wasn't late.  Had time to breathe and wait for my bus.

Buses actually have seat belts now.

Waiting in Ohare.

Almost time.

In Newark, view of NYC

So I did arrive safely in Cairo, an hour late.  Delayed leaving Frankfurt for a busy runway.  No big deal except my husband was worried sick.  But I'm home.  And with all that said and done, I'm really happy to be here.  Now, on with my vacation.

Worst Case Scenario

Again it has been so long since I have been on here.  So much has happened in the time I was away.
I had to travel away from my husband for some amount of time.  Which has been really hard.  I have been away for 3 months now.  I returned to the United States with the intention of spending time with my daughters and working some custody issues out with my ex.

It was a very hard decision.  I didn't want to go.  I mean, I really didn't want to go.  I begged and begged Wael not to make me.  It isn't that I didn't want to see my girls, I just had concerns about our plans and what was going to happen without him.  And it wasn't that Wael was doing it because he didn't love me or want to be with me.  He did it for me, and for our girls.  Those girls are just as much his as they are mine and we made them a promise.

So it was decided in September that I would go back to the United States for some time, alone.

I left home early in the morning of September the 29th, 2014.  Mama cried, Wallah cried.  I cried a lot.  The hardest part came when I was in the airport and Wael and I were talking on our phones through the glass window, hand to hand on the window, and he told me I better go so I could check through security.  I had to take my hand away from that glass, turn my back on my soul mate, and walk away.  I will never forget that feeling as long as I live.

I sat in the terminal waiting for my connecting flight to Doha talking to him as much as I could on the phone and over viber.  Looking at a city I would miss, at a people and a lifestyle I came to love.  Wishing I could just leave and never return without him.

Cairo International Airport

But as parents sometimes we have to make hard decisions for the best of our children.  While we may be 6000 miles away from each other, Wael and I are still together.  We always will be.  In everything we do.  Until we are together again.

Sunrise over Newfoundland October 30th, 2014

And then I finally got to see my babies again, after a long 11 months away.

It was worth it in the end, but it has been 3+ long months without Wael and it looks like it will be at least another 2 months before we are reunited, inshallah.  I'm hurting, he's hurting.  But we are strong, the strongest couple I have ever known.

Don't judge an entire people by the actions of a few...

Yesterday while debating with some Wisconsin folks about the Israeli bombardment in Gaza a man by the name of Ryan Tanner said to me, "The large portion of muslims living in piece, mean nothing when the small portion of fanatics paint the picture of what Islam is about. Your statement of true Muslims, is pointless."

So, what if the rest of the world judged Americans by the actions of a few....

Let's take a look at recent headlines:

Father Shoots Himself After Killing Son, Injuring Girlfriend: Police (NBC 10 Philidelphia 27, July 2014)

Green Bay man leads high speed chase in Marinette Co. before killing himself
(WFRV Green Bay 25, July 2014)

4 year old injured in Milwaukee gunfire exchange
(Channel 3000 Madison 27, July 2014)

Man brags about 'fat man' tattoo during alleged rape
(Chicago Sun-Times 22, July 2014)

Girl, 11, shot in head at sleepover
(CNN 21, July 2014)

And more rememberable stories from the past several years:

Virginia Tech Shootings of 2007

Sandy Hook Elementary School Shootings 2012

Shots are fired inside the Washington Navy Yard killing 12. The shooter, identified as Aaron Alexis, 34, is also killed.  September 2013

Twelve people are killed and 58 are wounded in a shooting at an Aurora, Colorado, movie theater screening of the new Batman film. James E. Holmes, 24, is taken into custody outside of the movie theater. The gunman is dressed head-to-toe in protective tactical gear, set off two devices of some kind before spraying the theater with bullets from an AR-15 rifle, a 12-gauge shotgun and at least one of two .40-caliber handguns police recovered at the scene. 2012

Texas mother drowns her 5 children 2001

And we could go on and on and on...

Every day in the USA news headlines are filled with acts of violence, drunkenness, and hatred towards one another. 

What could the rest of the world say about Americans based on these headlines if they were to judge them by the acts of a few.

Violent
Selfish
Drunken
Drug addicts
Violent
Like to kill people
Violent
Hateful
Kill Children
Rape Children
Full of Crime
Crimes against humanity
Like to instigate violence in other countries
Likes to glorify killers
Poor


From what headlines show Americans are very violent and hateful towards others and themselves.  Killing in all races, ages, sexes, and demographics.  Americans are a violent people and no one should do business with them because they are not to be trusted.

Wonder how many Americans would like this steriotype.   


Don't judge an entire group of people, or nation based on the actions of a few.  

Palestine-It's not our Fault

First off.  I want to make myself very very clear.

I DO NOT SUPPORT ISRAEL OR ZIONISM.

I SUPPORT THE FREEDOM FOR PALESTINIANS.

But what is with all of the blame coming from the Palestinians to the rest of the world.
Mostly aimed towards Egypt.

I am very aware of the history of the Palestinian occupation, the tension between Egypt and Israel, and the tension between Egypt and Palestine.

What people don't hear is everything Egypt does do for the Palestinian people.   Opening Rafah and distributing food, supplies, and medical care. 

Egypt can't afford to do more.  People in Egypt are already severely suffering.  There is a gasoline (petrol) shortage which is hiking food prices, causing power shortages, and there are water shortages.  The economy is struggling and there are a lot of poor, starving people in Egypt.  They are not politically strong enough to handle a war or financing another country.  And they are NOT at war.  How can they afford to give more and neglect their own people?  Do we see how the USA does that to its people and the effect it has?

Egypt can NOT take military action against Israel (and vice-versa) under the Camp David agreement-which the Palestinians were invited to attend.  Egypt can not afford to be attacked by Israel as a result of breaking this agreement-which would happen.  Why should innocent Egyptian civilians die because Palestinians are?

Back when Great Britain occupied Egypt, Egypt had to fight to end the occupation on their own.  Without any help from anyone financially or by military reinforcements.   Arms were distributed in the streets or Port Said and every man, woman, and child stayed and fought off the English winning their freedom.

When Egypt gave Palestine arms they (Fatah and Hamas) used them to fight amongst themselves.  Saudi Arabia has been financially supporting each and every Palestinian in Gaza with $1000 USD a month-but it is distributed to Hamas to give to the public and people are only seeing 200 Israeli shekels a month.  (Obviously KSA can't go door to door in Gaza and hand out $1000 each month.)Their own government is cheating them, not the Gulf. 

Many Arab nations were under occupation and fought their oppressors off.  If Fatah and Hamas worked together, trained the men and in their country, most of whom are unemployed anyway, to fight...  They could have a great military force-even if it was only gorilla fighters.  If they could prove that they were going to work together maybe the Arab Union would be more happy to support them.  There is always talk about how a Palestinian's dream is to become a martyr so then why not come together and really fight off your oppressors? 

Help yourself first and we will help you. 

Instead they continue to fight amongst themselves and place the blame on everyone else but themselves.  Most countries agreed to peace and some amount of compromise.  There is no way Palestine is going to get all it's land back, not now.  They need to compromise so the fighting will stop giving them time to build up an army and gain support from the Arab Union.

I hate seeing babies killed in the street, innocent civilians but it is NOT the Egyptian's fault, it is not the Gulf's fault.  It is Israel's fault, the United States' fault, and it is Palestine's fault for not protecting it's people.  Simple as that.

I know this is going to earn me some criticism but if you have anything to say, please feel free to do so.  I have more than enough evidence to back my opinions.


Inshallah the suffering will stop, God save Palestine and Muslims from around the world.

Divorce Common Sense: Don't Bad Mouth the Other Parent Around Your Kids

And don't let your new spouse or significant other do the same...

Yesterday I called to talk to the girls.

Aurora answered the phone and started talking.

All of a sudden the phone was snatched up and I could hear my ex's girlfriend on the line saying, "Hello" "Hello".  I thought we lost signal again-they live in a rinky dink town with little coverage.

This girl then perceeds to yell at me and tell me I need to stop lying to my kids, telling them I'm coming back, and so on.  Right in front of the girls.

First of all.  I'm coming back in August-beginning of September at the latest.  That's already settled.  Second of all...  You do NOT do that in front of kids.

My parents were divorced when I was young, after my father went to prison for sexual assaulting several neighborhood girls.

My father's sister always dragged me in the middle of the divorce, even when I was an adult, talking bad about my mom in front of me. It made me very angry.  It wasn't my fault that crap happened, why should I have to listen to it?  Why did they want me to hate my mom?  Why did they want to hurt me?

Well, these same people, who claim to love my children, are doing the same things to the girls that they did to me.  As they are good friends with my ex husband he is there with the girls all the time and people continue to talk bad about me in front of them. 

Ariana has stated on several occasions how angry people make her lying about me.  She's old enough to understand what happened between me and her dad and clearly remembers the abuse I went through.  The girls aren't stupid, they know the truth.

People need to grow up.  Plain and simple.  A divorce isn't anyone's business but the couple going through it, and if you want to be in the center of drama so be it, but leave the kids out of it. 

As for my ex husband's girlfriends.  I understand her issue.  She is jealous and suffers from multiple mental disorders (she's been hospitalized in psychiatric centers dozens of times), she is self conscious and knows that she will never be loved by my girls more than they love me.  She also knows that my ex husband will never love her as much as he loved me.  Which was wrong of him to tell her, because being as self conscious as she is, she'll never get over that.  She is going to make those girls' lives hell.  And ruin her own life in the process.  I pray God helps heal her from her mental illnesses and brings her to see the truth about the people she associates with before its too late.

I know it was just a little bit of a rant, but its not right. 

Keeping Kids out of the Middle of a Divorce

Everyone knows that kids should be protected from their parents’ conflicts.  It’s tough to do this when emotions run high, and you are hurting and angry.  When you are in so much pain, you may turn to your children for comfort or support, or you may want to tell them the “truth” about the other parent.  So why is this such a bad idea?  

Kids who are caught in the middle of their parents’ conflict and divorce have worse outcomes than those whose parents prioritize a “child-centered divorce.”  A search on Google brings up many references to the term, a “child-centered divorce.”  There are helpful websites and blogs that advocate for a peaceful (out of court) resolution of the divorce, and a parenting plan that prioritizes the needs of the children.

This means that kids whose parents stay angry and hostile have more emotional and behavior problems that last into adulthood.  The good news is that kids whose parents are able to move beyond the conflict have a good chance at success in life, in school, their relationships, future positive mental health.   

Many parents going through divorce have told me that their children are “fine”; that they are “resilient,” but my experience as a child therapist has taught me something different.  In the privacy of the therapy office, children talk about their parents’ arguments, their worries about money, the accusations of betrayal or their fears about the future.  Because kids worry about their parents, they often cope by trying to look better than they really feel.  Inside they may be deeply pained but unable to talk to their parents when they see how much their parents are suffering.  They intuitively sense that their parents have enough to worry about, or that their parents need to see the children as fine.

So why keep your kids out of the middle?  For their own mental health, they need to love both of you, and if they feel caught in the middle, they may feel they have to choose between you.  This is damaging to children.  Your children know that they have a part of each of you in them, and if they turn against a parent, it is as if they are turning against a part of themselves.  

What happens when kids are caught in the middle?  They feel like they are caught in a terrible tug-of-war.  They may feel they need to determine who is at fault, or what is “fair.”  They may feel burdened by their parents’ emotions and not able to express their own.  They may begin to regress, shut down, or act out. 

Here are some ways to protect your kids:

1. Don’t speak badly of the other parent.  Don’t blame them, criticize or complain about them.  If you’re a kid, this hurts!  Seek out your friends or a therapist if you need to vent or complain.  And make sure your family and friends won't repeat this in front of your children either.
2. Don’t ask your kids to take sides.  Ask yourself if you are doing so, even in subtle ways, and remind yourself that it is healthier for your kids to love both parents.
3. Don’t send messages or paperwork with the kids when they go to their other parent.  Keep the divorce business well away from them.
4. Don’t talk about the divorce business, about the meetings, the financial settlement details or division of property.  Legal talk is painful for kids to hear and distracts them from being able to focus on their job—to be kids. 
5. Don’t have difficult conversations with your spouse when the kids are being transferred from one of you to the other parent. Keep these out of earshot and private.  You would be surprised about how much your kids actually already hear and know.
6. Don’t ask your kids to keep secrets from their other parent. 
7. Don’t use your kids as your confidantes.  You need adults to turn to for support.  Connect with friends, family, a divorce support group or a therapist.
8. Don’t ask your kids about your spouse’s personal life, like if s/he is dating.
9. Don’t restrict your kids’ time with their other parent because you are mad at your spouse. 

Here some things you can do to help your kids stay out of the middle of the conflict:

1. Minimize the disruptions to the kids’ routines as much as possible.
2. Make sure both parents stay involved with your kids.  Make sure they have frequent and ongoing contact with both of you.
3. Provide frequent reassurance.  The divorce isn’t their fault—they didn’t cause it, and they can’t change it.
4. Focus on their growth and healthy change as they adapt and adjust to the new family structure.  It can help some kids to say “We are still one family, under two roofs.”
5. Model respect for their other parent. 
6. Let the children continue to be kids.  Maintain their play dates and other activities as much as possible.
7. Imagine the story you want your children to tell about their parents’ divorce, and know that every day you are helping them to construct that story.
8. Create a parenting plan that minimizes the potential for conflict.  By creating and committing to a set of default decisions, together with your spouse, the potential conflict will be minimized.
9. Seek professional help if necessary, with or without your ex.

Remember that the divorce is a problem to be solved by you and your spouse, the adults, and your kids will benefit from knowing that their parents will continue to parent them together, even if they are living under two roofs.  Take the time to work with a professional, if necessary, to resolve your grievances with your spouse so that your children don’t carry the burden of bitterness and grief into their future.  Thousands of kids go through divorce with their families, but you can help them to overcome the challenges, become more stress-resistant, resilient, and flexible, by keeping them out of the middle of the divorce.  One to two years after a “child-centered” divorce, most kids are on track and healthy.